One Step Up, Two Steps Back

[DCBHM]

Waxing philosophical here, but hope you find something of use:

I think you should be mindful of your past behaviors which haven't worked... but ultimately you want to be able to flow with any new behaviors. I know most people short circuit themselves by falling into old patterns. I also know how hard it is to develop a new habit when you aren't being rewarded properly.

I know one thing in MWD's book was talking about how one spouse assumed the M was dead because their spouse refused to go to counseling. Different people have different ideas about how things should work... and ultimately we see the benefits of certain things very clearly because we are coming from a place of desperation and we've found our answer. That being said - the other person isn't coming from the same place, and the answer might not be as apparent as it is to us.

We have to be careful of the 'shoulds' and setting our spouses up to fail. That being said - it takes extreme patience and love to be able to hold on like you have, and I think you are doing well enough.

You know where I really felt you were successful though? When you just let go... enjoyed grilling, enjoyed your time out, and enjoyed life - whatever your W was doing. I think that attracted her back to try again... and I think you have to 'be' there mentally to know you are on the right track.

The last thing she wants to see is you coming on too strong. She may even be subconsciously testing you - but I see hope in that she seems to be trying very hard to communicate with you.

She is at least trying to understand your motivations... most women don't bother thinking you have any motivation outside of your pants.