Mama - I hope you come and keep posting updates. These past couple you've posted are so very encouraging.
I can understand the fear you are having, when you say "I am worried that he will be more hurt than I ever imagined and that we are in for a long messy time of it." You feel it is beyond your control because they are his issues, and you fear that it may take a long time in counseling for him to figure out how to handle the issues.
But please remember you've taken your first baby steps only, and until he gets into the groove of counseling, try not to have any preconceived issues yourself about his possible issues. He may talk to someone a few times, get a few good items to think about, and then *click* lots of things might fall into place. In fact, that is pretty much Lucky's situation at this moment...I think her H may have benefitted from counseling, but before he even got to that point during her latest efforts, he just made a personal realization and stepped up his game, and that in itself made him realize HE was missing out on the intimacy, too. Sometimes that is truly all it takes. Sometimes, you know you do have issues to struggle through, but the first step of just realizing that can sometimes be all it takes to start that snowball down the hill on its own and break you free from your previous constraints.
So even while you are patient and settle in and expect a long ride, also don't be surprised if progress happens rather quickly. It can in some cases.
