Game Over?

[dday101798]

t-minus 12 days.

Still in recovery mode from last week, but doing better each time I think of all this. Spoke to her briefly after work on the phone regarding S12's bike and if I should drop it off last night or today when I take the boys to dinner, she opted for today. I did my best to put on a upbeat tone and it worked, she sounded kind of baffled.

Still hoping and don't know why I would want to, that things change between us, but I'm fairly certain there's no way. I need to keep my nose out of others threads for now because I find myself bleeding that hope in situations where it's not possible.

I guess at this point I'm using my anology of letting go finger by finger and the 9th of next month will be the final finger to go and that will be my work for myself unitl then, to figure how many are gone, and how willing the last few are to hang on to something that wants to be let go. Someone in another thread told me that it's basically pointless to hold on to something that doesnt want to stay, and I'll have to remember that.

I'm going to write this here and get it out of my system before I see her tonight, S10 (will be 11 on the 5th) has been on a kick of occurances with the number 11, W is 11 years older than her youngest brother who is 11 years older that S10 and S10 is (technically) 11 years older than his new niece.

So in that spirit I'd love to play on that with W that tomorrow there will be 11 days left to decide the fate of an 11 year M that has been brought to hault by her 11 months (known) with OM.

I also had a thought this morning, I deserve so much better than this. So that will add to my "homework" of 'finger counting'.

EDIT - After I re-read this I remmebered another thought this morning and one that has been re-occuring the whole length of all this: Not to boost my own ego, but I firmly believe that there are days and nights that she has to look at herself and OM and question WTF she is doing with him, and she has eluded to this in the past, he is the typical OP, nothing like me, ungroomed, no with no class what so ever, and in being so, they have a very uncertain future.

We, had it all, a nice big house, a boatload of friends that admired us, I had (have) a stable job, we could buy things when we wanted, I worked on and around the house, decent cars, basically your typical middle class happy little family.

What does she have now? No money, no friends, lives in her father's house, broken down cars (other than OM's rusty POS, but it runs), both are in and out of employment, and custody of 2 kids that are every so slowly coming to see on their own that this not right and they are starting to resent her on their own recognicance.