It's not about pretending. You have ask where the value-added is. So you "expose" something to others. You're the Left-Behind. What's the probability that Others will believe you? "Oh, well, he would say that, wouldn't he?" And you're not pretending you don't know that she's aware of your snooping -- you're just not raising the issue. Leave the ambiguity alone; it's your friend. Maybe WAW thinks she knows something. That's going to make her wonder what else you know.
And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter -- I know that's hard to deal with. My WAW had an EA, too; but that EA was, in many respects, independent of the D-bomb. She might have had it even had there been no divorce, and we'd just be in a good, old-fashioned infidelity situation.
You've got to spy out the secrets -- YOUR secrets. Because those are the ones that got you here. You need to to talk with @Forrest Gump, who can be incredibly irritating, but in a productive and ultimately good way. And that's a compliment.
Let it ride. Believe me at some point she may bring it up when you least expect it. Practice your deer in the headlights look. Hmmm, I don't remember doing that. Then drop it. If she wants to push it you still don't remember. Got it?
You are on the hunt for red october (YOU - Who are you?) Believe me, if you put your effort into that it will help you grow so much.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Not sure if this question makes more sense here or in your thread, but if Mrs. SP had had a PA, do you think (a) your path and trajectory to enlightened-mojolation would have been any different, and (b) would such mojo-enlightenment have taken the same form?
-AlexEN
Last edited by AlexEN; 05/27/0902:20 PM.
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
My sense, based on what I have read from SP, is that he would separate the two as independent things. I am getting my head around this too. Regardless of my WAW having a EA and possible PA, she wants to divorce me. I know the desire to D came before the EA. Changing things to address the root cause of the D action is the only thing to focus on, the rest will take care of itself (IMHO).
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
In the big scheme of things, she expressed unhappiness in our marriage that I did not do anything about a long time ago, before she even knew possible OM. A year ago she was pretty close to filing, but I talked her out of it. This past Dec she was again, and I talked her out of it. Now, this spring yes the actions and the EA overlap, but her unhappiness is old.
Heck, that is what makes this so hard! I "get it" now, and I see that she has been trying to get me to change and wanting to save the marriage for years, and I was a huge jerk about it. Now I am ready, but she is done.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
