FF, thanks for that advice. Below is what I just posted on my other thread. I've already started to expose the affair to friends and family, close confidents of mine. I would hope that after we talk more about the "John thing" (see below), that I will be able to start the exposure thing. I understand and know that it needs to be exposed. What I struggle with is the level of exposure - I know I can tell her close friends and relatives. It's the casual friends and family that I am concerned about. It's that fine line between being horrified about being exposed and the hatred that she would have for me because her sister who lives in another state and is a devout catholic finds out, when her knowing would do absolutely nothing to help us heal.

It's enlisting those who can help, rather than telling the world and seeing what happens.

Thoughts?




Originally Posted By: Good_guy
Setting boundaries - yesterday I told W that OM is no longer welcome in my home (used home, rather than house for a nice touch). That W should tell him that he should know this and should not plan on attending my Daughters open house this weekend.

Response that I was "way off on this John thing we are not having an affair just good friends".

I've responded with an offer to talk about this "john thing". Still waiting to hear back with her reply.

My thoughts to this "talk" include my issues with trusting her - that until I can trust her again, everything she tells me is essentially a lie. She needs to know that its not an acceptable relationship, regardless if she thinks it's an affair or not. She needs to prove to me its over. I can not take her word for it.

I want her to understand that until she understands what is causing her unhappiness, she can not address it. I don't to push counseling, but am thinking if I talk about understanding what is causing her unhappiness, she might realize that she needs to better understand the true causes behind it, rather than what she thinks are casuing it. I'm sure some of what she said when confronted about the A was just lashing out - she was caught, and she knew it.

I will not talk about us, our living arrangements. Only about my trust issues and her unhappiness. Until she is willing to openly and honestly adress thise issues, we can not talk about anything else.