Hey K, how are you? Mrs Ex if from here? I am sorry. I understand. H's OW was from here also
Hi Dawn, nice to see you around. I am too shy to go to nudist beaches. Maybe that would be a nice 180 for me, get over my embarassment...
So, I've been thinking. This story of mine is a waiting game. I am not in love with H, I feel no passion, no lust. I do care about him and want him to be healthy and happy. I dont see us together in the long run, I cant see a way to bring back that special connection, IMO absolutely necessary for a couple to be happy.
I am a "WAW to be" as fb2 has ben saying (and a few others). Just as a last attempt I am shifting my focus and trying to read the last couple of days, articles, books, threads that encourage WAWs to STAY in the marriage and work it out.
My problem after reading some, is that I find myself very tired for yet another big haul battle to win the invisible enemy in me this time. That and the fact that H shows very little interest to keep me "with him". He doesnt have the LBS mentality to "correct things and fix what is completely wrong" like most of us here did/do. And in my head, he has no excuse not giving his best because I am not dropping a bomb on him. He knows what I am missing, he knows I am open to any suggestion that could help, he knows very well by now where I stand.
Everybody says, "you know when you are done". I agree with that when the partner shows no interest. But what happens when the partner says he wants the marriage, does minor acts that show he cares,is tip toeing, is a good father, doesnt cheat, doesnt drink, doesnt abuse, is polite and in general the time together is flat but easy and familiar?
How can I ever say "I am done" when I know that, this decision will forever affect my kids (among other areas of our lives)? I am at a dead end. I am emotionally ready to proceed, but my head brings this "what if question?" that confuses me and stops me. What if he showed interest what if he stopped working as much, what if he told me he loved me and treated me as a woman? etc etc... Because, we do have a foundation, a little rocky but it exists. I loved this man so much, even the existing left amount of love I have for him would be enough for the Phoenix to come alive but.... I cant be myself's motive, cheerleader, planner, charmer, PMA booster, etc etc. I need input from him. Some at least. I need a lot more than a thoughtful roomate of the weekends (he would move in tomorrow if I asked, I think)...
On the other hand I can see he is doing what he knows. 2 years ago, I would be happy for him being calm and agreeing to attend family gatherings etc. I would be appreciative, I would be content. Now, all I can think of is, "What a fool have I been? How on earth, after having lived an exciting, full life, did I accept that status?" He refuses to see this is not normal. It is not normal not to want to spend time alone with your partner, not to want to make love to your gorceous wife ( ), to ONLY talk about kids and their actions etc etc. We were not a couple, we were parents and I want to have a partner.
Maybe I should tell him to just co-parent, create a solid friendship and find other partners to fullfill our other needs. He is a nice guy but...
I know I have been tiring you all with this. It's abeen a long time. But I have no clue what to do. And I am not anymore, worried, stressed, panicking about being alone. I am ok with that. Hey, I am already living ALONE TWO F@CKING years!!!! BUT what if I am wrong? What if we could fix this? I dont know. I cant commit to live in a marriage like this. I hear about people having passion and spending time with their partners, doing things together, sharing interests, conversing about the weather, the movies, a book, the past, the future and I am sooo jealous (and that's when I usually cry nowdays). I dont want to give up on that "dream" so early....
Should I just tell him that I am not in love with him and what my dillema is?
Sorry guys, I had some free time at work and this is the result. K
On another note, I asked to book vacation for me and the kids August 8-18 where we went last year with my brother. THey are checking on availability. H said he will take the week off to join us. I cant even think of spending a week on vacation with him like friends.
H also said, he wants to spend the weekend with us "as he did last weekend" and I am thinking "what for?"... Do you believe I am actually worried I would hurt him his feelings? He is family after all!!!
), to ONLY talk about kids and their actions etc etc. We were not a couple, we were parents and I want to have a partner.
