How old is your H? Is he a lot older than you? I ask because my xH was 16 years older than me and I think some of the stuff that happened with us was because of the large age difference.
You are doing well at looking after your daughter and keeping yourself together. Keep at it.
Take care, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
INN the pain is extreme for the first 3-6 months but It does ease up the most important thing for you is to find a way to get thru it sucessfully therapy is a must or spiritual couseling church or religion helps if you have a friend who will listen and not judge you that helps too any support groups in your area that may help alanon is all over the world and the program is similar to db as far as detaching snd letting go og toxic people(alcoholic or not)
as for you H, he is confused probably in replay and running how old is he? and you? their behavior makes little sense so it is impoissible to figure it out In the end, you will see the total destruction of his life and it will be clearer to you, his crises for now just slow down take care of you let him go you will find peace peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Feeling a little stronger this morning.......... My h had our D7 from hometime from school yesterday till bedtime i arrived home about half nine thinking she would be settled by then but she was still awake. i went into her room to say goodnight. Saw my husband silently frm the kitchen sitting back in a chair in her room with his hand on his forehead staring at the ceiling. came in to say goodnight to D and he wouldnt even look at me let alone say anything. I have a rotten flu so went into the from living room to lie down on the sofa. My Mum was i here too. When D was asleep he knocked on the door (incredible, its still legally his house and he has to knock on the door; how uncomfortable must he feel) and then proceeded to open the door slightly, peeped his head in and looking at the floor said he was going. Then went straight away, off to OW's house. He just cant cope with the house; being in it makes him feel so uncomfortable. The way I view it is this; if he had planned his exit with OW then he is cruel and deceitful. if he didnt (which I just dont believe) this is a rebound relationship of the highest order. Either way I think he is in crisis and that he is not indifferent to this situation, or me. If he was he could easily be in the same room as me, look at me and at least speak civilly to me, especially for the sake of our D. This morning, at least, I believe that I am worth more than this. His obvious new found euphoria with OW, I hope, will be worth the damage he has caused. Our D is coping for the last few days, although she drew a picture on an envelope that was addressed to me, of a lady with sad eyes and sad face, scribble through the heart, then a small love heart with an arrow through it, says breaking your heart, oh dear, oh no, oh very very sad. I worry about her so much.........
Inn I believe if you are OK,D will be OK keep telling her MOmmy is sad but will ok R breakups are part of live the kids can know that the cinderella story was a fairy tale this is rel life and its ok I tell my kids daddy still loves them thias was not their fault daddy has some issues to work on not all M last forever I got them and yjr M was good and loving for a time Mommy is OK( even if your not you wuill be cause you are working thru the grief they must grieve too in their own way the kids as for your H his behavior is very typical and many have gone thru the same no talking not wanting to be in same room as W WE can not really understand what happened they are having an A-most of them are in a MLC and since so many of them seem to display similar traits we have to assume its all part of the way they handle their guilt by blaming us not wantiung to talk--hard to understand their process as we are not there nor have been it is not you peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Sorry i have been quiet everyone, peace thanks so much for the post. I have been out of town working for the last few days; first time that have had to sit down and write here. I have had a lot f time to think over the last few days and I am stating to realise as a dawning reality that my H is deeper into his A with OW than what I thought. I really believe that this is serious now. I have been hit with what has she got that I havent got talking in my mind. She is older closer to my husbands age, she has two teenage boys, is from the town where we live, just like him, interested in the same music, probably has him on a keep fit/diet campaign (he has high blood pressure but seems to have lost weight) has her own house in a very good area, works for him in his company so hasn't got the work constraints that I did about not being bale to spend time with him. Blonde, good figure..... What have I got; brunette, good figure (curvy), we have our D7, a ten year relationship that he obviously wants to forget, even though there has been mistakes I have loved him and have wanted my marriage. he says that he is in a new relationship, the marriage is over and that he has moved on, How can he jump into a new relationship after ten years with no time by himself to reflect on things; to cope with the fall out that his walking out has caused? Ha she met his soul mate in her and was I the dress rehearsal? Is she the rebound?? It seems she is a lot more serious than that...... It grieves me that my H saw no other choice than to walk away from a family that love him to be with this "yes" woman; the woman that will stroke his ego and stand by him as his company is folding. I found out yesterday that I have won a visiting fellow award to Harvard, starting in wither the fall or spring sememster. I went ou t for a celebratory drink last night with my mum and one f my close friends who is a solicitor. She thinks that a huge part of what has happened is the green eyed monster. My H's company is in huge trouble, i have had more and more international success in what I do, and he wants to bring me down if he is struggling. Even choosing the other woman, in her position, is a tact. he r job is not to challenge him but to walk behind him and support him, just as she is in his personal life. I have tried to support my H over the years but I have also been tough love as well. I am on an equal level to him and I believe that that is a good thing.We can learn s much from people who push us to become better people. I dont know, maybe OW is doing just that but I doubt it. He has caused so much chaos to be with her. I suspect that either he is in HUGE denial and MLC, playing out this phase of it with her.......or he is WAS and has met the love of his life and has had to drag me and our D7 through this out of necessity. He has a family who love him here at home, yet he has created a new life with her and her sons. is there hope in God that he can soften my husbands heart and open his eyes.....I pray every day, god is sometimes so quiet and silent, it seems as if nothing is happening......only more and more upset. My H and I have our first mediation session on Wednesday, he has obviously had his letter of introduction sent to her house, not here. He as moved most of his clothes but everything else is still here, especially all of his books which he loves, photos etc. I am going int mediation with a sense of doom, the supporting lit they sent me began "for people who are separating to do so with dignity". I didn't want this, never wanted it. I have loved and have wanted my family.I never had a choice in this. He has lied, deceived and denied me and my family the right to the truth and to a response. Thanks for reading would love as much feedback as poss; feeling very alone on this. My friends are all starting to tell me to get over him. I am GAL bu you dont get over someone this quickly (5 months).Grief and loss has its own contour. I x
Sorry i have been quiet everyone, peace thanks so much for the post. I have been out of town working for the last few days; first time that have had to sit down and write here. I have had a lot f time to think over the last few days and I am stating to realise as a dawning reality that my H is deeper into his A with OW than what I thought. I really believe that this is serious now. I have been hit with what has she got that I havent got talking in my mind. She is older closer to my husbands age, she has two teenage boys, is from the town where we live, just like him, interested in the same music, probably has him on a keep fit/diet campaign (he has high blood pressure but seems to have lost weight) has her own house in a very good area, works for him in his company so hasn't got the work constraints that I did about not being bale to spend time with him. Blonde, good figure..... What have I got; brunette, good figure (curvy), we have our D7, a ten year relationship that he obviously wants to forget, even though there has been mistakes I have loved him and have wanted my marriage. he says that he is in a new relationship, the marriage is over and that he has moved on, How can he jump into a new relationship after ten years with no time by himself to reflect on things; to cope with the fall out that his walking out has caused? Ha she met his soul mate in her and was I the dress rehearsal? Is she the rebound?? It seems she is a lot more serious than that...... It grieves me that my H saw no other choice than to walk away from a family that love him to be with this "yes" woman; the woman that will stroke his ego and stand by him as his company is folding. I found out yesterday that I have won a visiting fellow award to Harvard, starting in wither the fall or spring sememster. I went ou t for a celebratory drink last night with my mum and one f my close friends who is a solicitor. She thinks that a huge part of what has happened is the green eyed monster. My H's company is in huge trouble, i have had more and more international success in what I do, and he wants to bring me down if he is struggling. Even choosing the other woman, in her position, is a tact. he r job is not to challenge him but to walk behind him and support him, just as she is in his personal life. I have tried to support my H over the years but I have also been tough love as well. I am on an equal level to him and I believe that that is a good thing.We can learn s much from people who push us to become better people. I dont know, maybe OW is doing just that but I doubt it. He has caused so much chaos to be with her. I suspect that either he is in HUGE denial and MLC, playing out this phase of it with her.......or he is WAS and has met the love of his life and has had to drag me and our D7 through this out of necessity. He has a family who love him here at home, yet he has created a new life with her and her sons. is there hope in God that he can soften my husbands heart and open his eyes.....I pray every day, god is sometimes so quiet and silent, it seems as if nothing is happening......only more and more upset. My H and I have our first mediation session on Wednesday, he has obviously had his letter of introduction sent to her house, not here. He as moved most of his clothes but everything else is still here, especially all of his books which he loves, photos etc. I am going int mediation with a sense of doom, the supporting lit they sent me began "for people who are separating to do so with dignity". I didn't want this, never wanted it. I have loved and have wanted my family.I never had a choice in this. He has lied, deceived and denied me and my family the right to the truth and to a response. Thanks for reading would love as much feedback as poss; feeling very alone on this. My friends are all starting to tell me to get over him. I am GAL bu you dont get over someone this quickly (5 months).Grief and loss has its own contour. I x
Sorry i have been quiet everyone, peace thanks so much for the post. I have been out of town working for the last few days; first time that have had to sit down and write here. I have had a lot f time to think over the last few days and I am stating to realise as a dawning reality that my H is deeper into his A with OW than what I thought. I really believe that this is serious now. I have been hit with what has she got that I havent got talking in my mind. She is older closer to my husbands age, she has two teenage boys, is from the town where we live, just like him, interested in the same music, probably has him on a keep fit/diet campaign (he has high blood pressure but seems to have lost weight) has her own house in a very good area, works for him in his company so hasn't got the work constraints that I did about not being bale to spend time with him. Blonde, good figure..... What have I got; brunette, good figure (curvy), we have our D7, a ten year relationship that he obviously wants to forget, even though there has been mistakes I have loved him and have wanted my marriage. he says that he is in a new relationship, the marriage is over and that he has moved on, How can he jump into a new relationship after ten years with no time by himself to reflect on things; to cope with the fall out that his walking out has caused? Ha she met his soul mate in her and was I the dress rehearsal? Is she the rebound?? It seems she is a lot more serious than that...... It grieves me that my H saw no other choice than to walk away from a family that love him to be with this "yes" woman; the woman that will stroke his ego and stand by him as his company is folding. I found out yesterday that I have won a visiting fellow award to Harvard, starting in wither the fall or spring sememster. I went ou t for a celebratory drink last night with my mum and one f my close friends who is a solicitor. She thinks that a huge part of what has happened is the green eyed monster. My H's company is in huge trouble, i have had more and more international success in what I do, and he wants to bring me down if he is struggling. Even choosing the other woman, in her position, is a tact. he r job is not to challenge him but to walk behind him and support him, just as she is in his personal life. I have tried to support my H over the years but I have also been tough love as well. I am on an equal level to him and I believe that that is a good thing.We can learn s much from people who push us to become better people. I dont know, maybe OW is doing just that but I doubt it. He has caused so much chaos to be with her. I suspect that either he is in HUGE denial and MLC, playing out this phase of it with her.......or he is WAS and has met the love of his life and has had to drag me and our D7 through this out of necessity. He has a family who love him here at home, yet he has created a new life with her and her sons. is there hope in God that he can soften my husbands heart and open his eyes.....I pray every day, god is sometimes so quiet and silent, it seems as if nothing is happening......only more and more upset. My H and I have our first mediation session on Wednesday, he has obviously had his letter of introduction sent to her house, not here. He as moved most of his clothes but everything else is still here, especially all of his books which he loves, photos etc. I am going int mediation with a sense of doom, the supporting lit they sent me began "for people who are separating to do so with dignity". I didn't want this, never wanted it. I have loved and have wanted my family.I never had a choice in this. He has lied, deceived and denied me and my family the right to the truth and to a response. Thanks for reading would love as much feedback as poss; feeling very alone on this. My friends are all starting to tell me to get over him. I am GAL bu you dont get over someone this quickly (5 months).Grief and loss has its own contour. I x
Oops, somehow posted three of the one piece of writing....... thanks for listening everyone; looking forward to hearing from you. Snodderly, I hope that you are well, haven't heard from you in a while; am off to County Kerry with my little girl and my mum tonight; a beautiful part of the world.
Please keep in mind the OW is just a bandaid. He is using her to avoid dealing with his internal pain. Right now he is trying to relive his teenage years and he found someone who is his mental equal. If and when he grows up, he will start to make adult decisions and see her for what she is. Please try not to dwell on the OW so much. By doing so you are giving power to her. Take that power back by living the life you want live.
