at the end of the day, its not about questioning them, or how they can do the things they do - you wont ever get those questions answered - its about no longer caring what the answers ARE.
you will reach that point and its a point of 'no return'. thats why we fight it so much... we know thats the real 'death'. for US. but it creeps up on you anyhow just like death DOES. one day you'll look up at the stars and think "I just dont care how he made his choices, or even if he regrets them; I only care how I think and feel; I'll NEVER know HIS mind". and the truth sinks in kind of like acid, only not so painful as you thought it WOULD be, at all. more like say, quicksand. just envelopesy you. its not something to look forward to, but it is something to at least know is down the road so you might recognise it.
thru all this stuff you gotta remember: can LOVE exist where theres no RESPECT? do you still RESPECT him? in my case I realised I had lost respect for him a looong time ago baby; dont even know when it happened; i was so busy focussed on the love I forgot about it... but once i remembered it, i realised something hard... without that, theres nothing BUT love and its a LOVE of the PAST. a love of WHO HE WAS. I dont respect him at all and I dont respect anything hes done, or who he is today. If he came back right NOW, that respect would STILL not be there. it would STILL be gone no matter how I wished it was there... and no patience or time is going to revive it, either. its either THERE or GONE. LOVE can exist without RESPECT, but as a partnership, wont thrive. we just forget that cuz they're GONE. but if he was back it would bc an ISSUE...
even tho you probably think you can never LOVE again guess what??/ you can RESPECT again. and thats how it will happen... you will repsect someone, for a long time. LIKE them a lot. for who they are.
and love will come back to you.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
