Quote: a reason the set up of saying "i've got my eye on someone and wonder how he'd feel about comming over for dinner" before you let him know you would like for him to come over for dinner...makes you look a bit like a hypocrite..unless of course you were planning on sending son off somewhere else when you cook dinner for the mystery man.
I'm a little slow sometimes, I'm blonde, so when you say "mystery man" you mean H right? The way I was intepreting it was that H was the guy I had my eye on.
Quote: I'm a little slow sometimes, I'm blonde, so when you say "mystery man" you mean H right? The way I was intepreting it was that H was the guy I had my eye on.
Confused Cathy
I assume that was kaws intent yes...but in telling h that there is a "mystery man" that you've got your eye on and would like to invite over for dinner...
I'm not certain that setting up such an extravagant dinner for h is such a good idea...it may end up with you setting yourself up for something...
perhaps a better way might be to start with "family dinners" when you know h is comming have dinner prepared and eat as a family...
there are plenty of nice family meals that look like a lot of effort but are really simple...
that way it is less of a possible persuit and more of a "hey I'm cooking because I want my son and his dad and myself to eat and be healthy not just to romantasize you back to me" but of course you wouldn't say that.
You're right. I wasn't thinking I'd cook him a meal, I'd ask him out to dinner. With the way he's constantly bringing up bf's all the time and I did turn it around on him this way, it would be more for shock value than anything else. I'd like to see the look on his face and his reaction more than anything. He'd more than likely say no, but it might shut him up about the bf thing..no?
The cooking meals now would be something for me and son, more routine in his life. This summer we were on the go so much we'd eat at all different times. So now that fall is here and the days are getting shorter, I won't feel like I need to be out there doing something all the time. So meals a couple of times a week would be nice and if H wants to eat fine, if not fine. H is so damn stubborn sometimes. If he's here and I ask him if he wants something to eat, he'll say no. If I just make it and give it to him he'll eat it. Why is he so intent on refusing anything and saying no all the time, he most always changes his mind. And this has been ongoing since I met him, so it's not something new either.
My day in review. H came over this morning, took son and bear meat to be processed. My friend and I went to the football game and then golfing. He was nice this morning...like a typical morning when he was living here. He mentioned something about some bringing extra clothes for son, he thought he might be going to the races tonight. I said so that means I don't have to be back here till whenever, I'm golfing after the game. He said since when? He then said I thought you were coming back after the game? He just told me he was going to the races...no this is the man I used to live with..
When I get back here about 5ish, we talked about the game, he mentioned another game coming up and I said do you want my tickets? He said well who's are you going to use, I said I have extras, he said NO, besides if I(H) want tickets I can get them. He has a cold, so I don't know if that was the reaon for his crabbiness. I went out get dinner for myself, H said don't get anything for me, so I didn't. When I got back I offered him some of what I got, there was plenty, again he said no. He then said aren't you going to feed son, aren't you going to make him anything? Asked for aspirin, I said I was out. He'd just taken some not too long ago so really didn't need anymore.
While I was getting food ready, H grabs his mail and leaves, just leaves! I went out and said "Hey are you leaving?" He said yes. I said aren't you saying goodbye to son, he said "do I ever"? I just shrugged my shoulders and said good bye and went into the house. So now I 'm wondering what that was all about??!!! I know he wasn't feeling good, but come one why is he really like that? Is it still the fog? He's nice and considerate and then BAM*** he's somebody else.
I did talk to him but not a lot, why do I have to force conversations with him? Maybe he was upset about the ticket thing, I get them free and we used to argue about who's they were. I get them as part of my job, and do refer to them as mine. He also referred to them as our tickets when he was talking about them. He refers to the cell phone contract as our contract, when he called last night.
Is he still confused? I wasn't overly attentive to him when I got back from my day. , I didn't make him the center of attention, but sometimes I just forget to be tuned into his world. The last couple of times he's been here he's made me wait on him as in, when he wanted more lasagne, he just handed me his plate and then said can you get me more milk, too, which I did. Today he had a glass of milk and asked if I'd get him more milk which I did. In the past I'd tell him to get it himself. Are these changes in me really getting to him? The food thing is the last complaint of his on why he wasn't happy. So maybe this is now his target. What's going to happen when he sees me cooking more? Then what will he have to complain about or point out to make me the reason for his unhappiness?
Quote: What's going to happen when he sees me cooking more? Then what will he have to complain about or point out to make me the reason for his unhappiness?
he may find something else or he may realize that he was happy but just didn't like a few things...
so when are you going to start preparing meals for you and son?
Quote: so when are you going to start preparing meals for you and son?
We do have a freezer full of meat, venison and beef. I pulled out a venison roast last night to thaw, will put it in the slow cooker tomorrow before I leave for work. So I guess this is the week. Apples are in season, we all love home made apple pies, so will make a few of them.
Quote: he may find something else or he may realize that he was happy but just didn't like a few things...
Well this will be the last thing from his list that I can work on for now. Making lunches was another didn't do for him, but he's not here for that. A few years ago he was driving one and half hours each way from a job and I did tell him I would make his lunches. I never did though. S3 wasn't very old at the time. I was tired as was H because he was getting up early every day. He could have stayed at a motel during the week, but he insisted on driving back and forth every day just so he could be with us. It is something H does like to remind me of and I do feel bad not doing it for him. But that was the past.
Last night when H was here I felt like I was getting sucked into his mood, which I didn't like and inside I was wishing he would leave. Do you ever feel like you're getting sucked into your H's mood and if you do what do you do to counteract the feeling? I started focusing on S3 because it's easy to change his moods and he's always happy.
Gee this "feed me right" thing is vaster than I'd imagined. My best pal H's H, D lists that as his biggest marital dissatisfaction.
Mind you the guy is genetically wired to require 6,000 - 7,000 calories a day (to maintain a lean, muscular and very tall figure...damn him! )...AND he's a somewhat fussy eater.
But somehow I'm quite sure that IF she met this need consistently, she'd find him more amenable in other situations.
It bugs the heck out of her, as she doesn't recall signing on as cook when they married as teens! But HIS mom waited on the boys hand and foot no doubt shaping their love maps in this direction.
And for what it's worth, it could well be that your H was grumpy later in the day because feeling so good earlier runs counter to how he's "supposed to be feeling", if he really wants "out".
So you return and he FINDS something to confirm his stance..."See...she's still not feeding S right!"...
Roast sounds good!!! Why leave him this last, ridiculous thing to hang it all on!!
Yeah it must be important. Right after he left he brought this up and I said "you didn't even like my cooking" he said yeah I know but a crappy meal once in awhile would have been nice or something like that.
I'm trying to do this as thoughtful pursuit, the meal thing. I don't want to set myself up to fail by trying to cook every single night of the week. I do like to go out once in awhile. I mean Taco Bell isn't that bad, it's cheap and there's no mess. The last few years I've been doing all the cooking and cleaning up and I resented it, but I never asked for his help either. Just stormed around the kitchen
My sis cooks all the time, great meals. I'd rather bake than cook.
I think the bottom line is my H is a real man's man, wants to be treated the old fashion way and wants to feel needed. I didn't let him do enough for me, now I'm learning to let him do things for me, the few things that he's offered to do and now thank him.
Thanks for your insight Shiney on the mood thing.
Yeah venison roast is pretty good, especially with potatoes and carrots. I need to start pouring over recipes, I sure have enough. I think I have a new hobby for this fall and winter
Quote: I'm trying to do this as thoughtful pursuit, the meal thing. I don't want to set myself up to fail by trying to cook every single night of the week. I do like to go out once in awhile. I mean Taco Bell isn't that bad, it's cheap and there's no mess. The last few years I've been doing all the cooking and cleaning up and I resented it, but I never asked for his help either. Just stormed around the kitchen
the best way to do it so that you wont resent having made the 180 is to do it first for yourself, second for your son and thirdly because it may make h happy. Cooking a roast certainly is a great feat and can take a lot of time wich may lend to prefering to just go for take out. There are several healthy EASY meals that you could cook as well allowing yourself one or two nights a week when you don't cook.
Quote: Cooking a roast certainly is a great feat and can take a lot of time
Not when you put it in the slowcooker all day! H isn't coming over tonight, I'm doing this becuase I want to not for H. Son likes leftovers, also! H never did.
It doesn't really matter if H is happy or not, he'll find something else to complain about eventually.
Here's the way I look at the cooking thing. Yes I'm doing it for son and me, we haven't really had a dinner hour all summer, it will set up a routine for son having dinner together w/wo H. If things work out with H then it's something he would like. If things don't work out with H and down the road I happen to meet someone else then it's a good skill to have as most men like to eat a good meal.
)...AND he's a somewhat fussy eater.