...

not knowing straight off your sitch (being new and stuff), I would say... let your mind race to an extent... one has to think... but agree within yourself a time and place you wont do that.. maybe you have some favorite shows, or maybe you like cooking, or a hobby...

is there something you do, where you could say to yourself, "when I am doing that, I cant think of this". and you could make that your special retreat... a place where you know you must not at all think of these things. you could call it a parachute of the psyche. for me I have a few things. One is "my shows", I have two in a row on a thurs night I watch, and nothing must intrude. also the other is cooking, when cooking nothing must intrude re my x or sitch, the kitchen is sacred space. and i also escape into my bible, or reading time, at night. I think if things are getting very hard and sore, its safe and good to plan some "getaway" things where its easy to distract yourself. OH thats right also THE SIMS. when I play THE SIMS, im not allowed to think of x or sitch. thats my red button of emergency. if things are getting out of hand in my mind I can run off to the sims.

that isnt healthy long term... but it can be quite healthy to give yourself a break for a while, as in several years, til you no longer need those props... i dont think there is anyhting wrong with those kind of escape mechanisms... depends if you can tell yourself and your mind and make the boundaries.

none of us want to move on, but life is going to carry on despite our protests so, to get thru it, it can help to have a few 'do not disturb' signs mentally.

who ever thought we'd be here? not i. im very glad I didnt have a crstal ball 20 years ago. id have been terrified. the kids wouldnt have been born! no one chooses this place of non choice, but its not ours alone, and we must abide by our spouses choice even tho it sits very ill with us. in the end though we must not confuse acceptance with a giving up of hope. we can both accept our situation, and STILL hope for a happy ending, at once. called FAITH, and though hard to hold onto, we do so bc we fear the alternative.

the alternative is often not as tragic or terrible as we think but we're not at that point yet so why talk about it this early on. but me, I highly suspect letting go of that faith isnt going to be as hard as i thought, nor giving up as it feels. I bet dying feels a lot like that. well im not ready to die yet, NOR give up faith, so in the meantime I'll keep suspecting it might not be so bad to let go completely, and not do so... I know in the end I will but i'll do it on my time when its right for me. this is my pain and im holding it as long as i want. it probably IS smart to let it go but let me decide when.

its the same for all of us... we can only comfort one another. life goes on, even when it sucks. i choose the sucky bit right now. Im sure one day ill be wise enough to be smart. thats not right now so...

\:\) smile... we're all human... xoxoxo blessings your doing the best you can...

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.