Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
FF could you lend your expertise to my sitch for a minute, please? My H started having an A in Oct/Nov of 07 and moved out Dec. 07. He and the OW have a 6mo old baby together (he lives with his mom) and now he wants to come home.

My problem with this scenario is he will always have to have contact with her and despite what he says, I know it is still at least an EA. I'm seriously disheartened and the damage he has done and continues to do to me emotionally is/has taken a HUGE toll on me. I don't seem to be able to make him understand that he is killing what little feelings I have left for him by his reluctance/refusal whatever to end the BFF/EA chat with her and only have contact that relates to their D.

Any thoughts, help, suggestions, 2X4s? I'd appreciate the insight.
thanks,
S&S
Pup, swing away...


Well sometimes we spend so much time thinking and so much time discussing we make things a lot more complex than we have to to understand our own mind. so I would, before giving you any ideas, ask you the following very simple questions:

1) Do you want him back? no ifs or buts or whatever just simple outright, do you? we can think about the "only ifs" after thats answered. Do you WANT him back??? OR, did you really just want HIM to WANT to come back? and now its happened, your thrown for a loop?

2) Who broke up the relationship him or her. Thats a pretty important question.

3) Is H running from her, or running from what sounds like the sitation of an unplanned pregnancy an a new child? Do you think he'd still be there, if the baby hadnt come?

4) You are going to have to live for the rest of your life with the fact your man had a child with an OW. CAN you do that and do you WANT to. BEFORE ANSWERING, remember that no matter HOW bitter you feel about this (an who wouldnt) what i am really really asking you is, is being without him a better alternative than having to live with that.

5) Would you be prepared in any way to integrate this child into your family or does the idea totally alienate you. What about the rest of your family

6) WHY DOES H WANT TO COME HOME NOW

oh and I forgot and this is my BIGGEST QUESTION

have you SPOKEN TO THIS OW YET???? wow do i think thats a conversation you need to have dont you? If its truly OVER then Id want to hear it straight from her, not him

Last edited by FightingFit; 05/27/09 08:56 AM.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.