I’ve been going through different kinds of online forums for my electronic gears and car forums etc. and never thought that one day I would be looking for a divorce support forum. Anyway this forum seems to have very supportive members so I’m going to try my best to share what I’m going through with my marriage and take whatever I can from you guys.
Here’s a quick background on our marriage. Married for 6 years with no children yet due to our plan of getting ourselves financially ready. We are actually getting there and we actually tried to have a baby on my last semester of school at the end of last year and we also got approved for housing loan and actually got a builder started building our new dream house. We were so close of having the life that we always have dreamed of just a few months ago. Unfortunately I found out things could change just like that. We both decided to back off the house when she lost her job before closing the house and with my guaranteed job after graduating was not guaranteed anymore due to economy downturn.
She eventually found a new job at end of 2008 that she has told me where she finally fits in and gets along with co-workers well and told me that she likes working with male managers better than female managers from her past work.
My wife has not admitted to having any affair with her supposedly mentor/manager at her new work (started Dec08) but from what I have gathered I think I have a clear picture of how she went from willing to work it out to thinking that it is not worth saving the marriage. The trial separation(week after feb14 I think) that we did was doomed when she started talking to her mentor/manager more than she needed to. I have found out from the cell call logs online that she’s been talking to this mentor/manager more frequently and sometimes lasting over an hour which she claims that her work required her to talk to him in phone a lot. Never got an explanation of deleted text messages that they’ve been sending each other. Then she told me not to call the guy or anyone at her work because she can lose her . She got so angry about my accusation and by my snooping around with her calls so next day she blocked my access to the online cellphone features.
During the separation she was staying at her parents house and In the first few weeks of separation she was actually open on seeing a counselor and told me about moving closer to her foster parents state. And then there are times that she came back home for a week or I spend the nights at her house some days. But as days goes on she all of sudden has lost the desire to make it work saying that she doesn’t know where to start now and she doesn’t want to keep on hurting me so It’ll be better for us just to end the marriage so that we can both start with a new clean slate. She said doesn’t love me anymore and that she married me for the wrong reason and told me that she has only stayed for 6 years due to the guilt that she was feeling when she confessed of a one night stand 4 months into our marriage in one of her out of the country family vacation. I forgave her and tried love her unconditionally considering her medical condition that predisposes her from impulsive behavior but I guess I made a mistake not seeing a counselor to help us deal with it properly and just kind of brush it off. From my viewpoint we have somehow turned it around and managed to save the marriage. We practically spent most times together and we seemed to be inseparable.
Second thing I found are this emails and chats with the manager that shows that she's been going to his house that when I confronted her about pushed her to the edge and finally dropped the divorce bomb. She told me that that was only ONE time and it was for her WORK again. She was so angry that she started writing agreements of who gets what who pays what and writing an agreement that I don’t interfere with her work and stuff. And I’ve agreed to the divorce that day as I am feeling that it has gone too far but the next day I felt really bad after making some progress on us trying to work it out and I messed it up made me feel like an idiot for going that far. So I apologize for what I did and told her I’m not ready for the divorce yet as I am still trying to figure out what is really going on.
**Email/chat from work with the guy** Wife:This lady at DVI has some attitude problems. I swear. Man:What can I do? Do we need to talk about Wife:Nothing. Just need to share it with someone. Wife:Do you think you can you show me or walk me through the search for unrecorded in Idea tonight? If not I'll figure it out.Thanks Man:What time? Wife:Whatever time works best for you. I will probably leave here at 6. Man:I will probably be wanting to go home by then. Are you wanting to meet in the office or come to my house? I may need some encouragement to stay focused, any ideas? Wife:Maybe your house is the most convenient for you. Thanks so much. Man:Sounds good **Chat with a friend** Wife: what up friendd: how's it going wife: good but full of drama and goodies u? friend: **me** dramas? wife: yes and more boy drama Im afraid to tell u here cause **me** might check my email friend:haha ok wife: i changed my password but still he is a computer whiz
Finally few days later I managed to locate the address of the guy and decided one night to drive over to the guy’s house as I’m getting that gut feeling again and found her car parked in front of his house past 11pm. I wanted to knock on the door but held back as it could get ugly so drove out for a few minutes and when I came back she’s gone. And she called me few minutes later and I then made up something so I could to her face to face the next day. So I talked to her and asked her how many times has she gone into this guy’s house and she firmly said that is the only one time she went there for work so then when I knew that she was not going to tell me the truth I told her that I know that she was just there last night. So now she’s saying that they’re FRIENDS now and was just watching a movie or playing Wii WTF? Then when I told her that I was going to call the guy she begged me not to as she might lose her job and for her, her career is her life. So I figured this is the end of the straw and to make a this a clean divorce I promised her I wouldn’t do anything that can cause her job.
Next day we filed for divorce (5/15/09) and she just started crying while we’re driving to the court and telling me that she just doesn’t know where to start to try and fix our marriage. And that I can found someone better who can truly love me back and that we’ll be both happier this way. She also firmly told me that she was not cheating on me. I want to believe her but it just doesn’t add up. She has been the most honest person that I know before this so I’m really having a hard time to process this. I know she is a better person than what I think of her now. I truly love her and it just hurts so much to see her change into this totally different person. I still am having a hard time to accept all this. I’d like to think that she might just had emotional affair with this coworker but her not confessing the truth just drives me insane. She still calls me and she is really trying hard for us to be friends. Last time I talked to her I told her that I feel that there is still some kind of hope for our marriage. Am I a fool to think that there is still hope for this marriage? Or someone just need to hammer it to my head? I guess this is it for now I might have left out some stuff out but I’ll fill it in, thanks for reading.
