BF came over and then my two sisters one by one. BF and sis had discussed what BF knew and agreed I needed to hear it. All three were here to support and comfort, and yet I know their opinions about what to do are different than my own. I didn't get very upset with them here... everyone says I'm doing so well, but I'm just keeping it in until I'm alone.
H is currently on vacation in S. Calif. 3rd or 4th hand info indicates OW planned to go to Calif to see her sister as well, so most likely they are together on vacation. He flew out there and yet two weeks ago told me money was very very tight. Also, H sold jeep and got 4 door truck (seems very impractical). I see jeep sale as a good thing b/c the loan was with my employer and if the pymts fall behind it can impact my employment - so that's good. However, he took on add'l debt with new truck so that's where I need to see L for advice.
Hurts like heck to think of them on vacation together. He never wanted to go anywhere warm with me. Always wanted to be in snowy places... Also, she's only 21. I really really feel bad tonight about this. I know logically it can't work out for them, and I believe in the DB techniques of 180s and acting as if, getting on with MY life - but what my BF and sister are right and I'm wrong and should let H know how hurt and sad I am? No, that's wrong - I tried that before and it just pushed him further away. As you said, Wifey, he's already walked away. He's doing what he wants anyway and in his mind he's made the break from me, so he feels free to pursue whatever he wants with the lil' 21 yr old or whomever. I think I'd be wasting my breath at this pt. But it hurts so much... I haven't contacted H tonight and don't plan to. Like the idea of misplacing the Jared bill...
My other sister is more in line with the DB concept - don't initiate D or separation... don't agree with H choices, but don't have to react by filing over it. It's hard to pick out from friends/family what's best to do, w/out them feeling like you don't value their opinions just b/c you don't do what they think is best.
Got the repeat mammogram tmrw. I can only pray it goes okay but with my luck this week, who knows.
Speaking of prayer, I'd really been praying for signs/peace/direction. I usually have a sense of peace afterwards that just waiting it out is the right thing to do, but I'm getting no signs or indication that he has any guilt/second thoughts... suppose that's because of the A fog but it would be so nice to have some sign I'm doing the right thing!! Impatient, I know! H won't awaken to his responsibilities/actions until the fog starts to lift.. I'm just thinking aloud now.
K - so planning to maintain my course. Can't control H. Only me. He maybe vacationing, sleeping with, and proposing to OW and who knows what else?? But this is only about me and my life and my kids anymore. Salvaging any R or re-building a marriage is so far away rt now that I can't even focus my energy there. Thx for reading along and tmrw will be a better day.
