[quote=SmileysPerson] Both of us had/have major issues to deal with (him- compulsiveness, impulsiveness, narcissism and me- control, neuroticism, rage)...nice combo we were, right? Looking at my issues, I have wanted to refrain from raging in any of our communications because it hurts me to be that person.
AK...I think we should all relate to this...and the fact that since we are here, wanting the person we MARRIED in our lives, we can and should concede that we will NOT be the person that got us here. That there are 2 sides and we can only control our side...but that it is OK to want your marriage to work. And it is OK to remember that it will not work if it is more of the same. Just sayin'....I sometimes think that we get so caught up in NOT letting them hurt us anymore...and in resenting the WAS...that we forget we are here because this is NOT what we want...we are willing to work on it... My shrink told me to look at myself every morning in the mirror and ask myself if things were to stay the way they are at this moment....how long would I be "good" for? How long would I be willing to "tread water". If we are willing, we work on US in the meantime. I don't know if I am making any sense, all i am trying to say is it is OK to think about the good things and times and have that give you more water treading time. Also, it is so much harder to remember all of the good times when things are not OVER THE MOON...but just average happy, than it is to remember the bad stuff...that stuff sticks out like a sore thumb. All the more reason to control rage and pessimism. We make the choice. I am gonna tread for awhile!!!
