Man I just wrote this big long entry and my internet went out! Heres another go at it:

Stuck! So glad to hear from you--I do hope you and your wife have moved forward a bit??? I sure hope so

Yes stuck is right. Everyones sitch is different but my history pattern with my H has shown, as soon as I let my defenses down and let him in, he uses me..and brings me into a deeper depression then I even thought was possible.

When I went "dim" on him that is when he started showing interest and starting coming back around. After 8 months of learning what does and does not work, I know what I have to do now.

The way I look @ it----these last 8 months he hasn't changed his mind about D ONE time. So just because D is only 2 weeks away, why should I think he is going to change his mind now? I once heard "don't try to keep someone in your life that doesn't want to stay" heard it at church actually. It hurts like hell, but I need to face reality. This D is going to happen. And I am at the last resort.

For example: these last few weeks in my desperation, H and I started talking on the phone on a daily basis, went out to lunch a few times, he was being SOOO nice and pleasant I started thinking that maybe I was getting my husband back. Then a few days ago he was bringing up the divorce and how he just wants to hurry up and get it over with. When I questioned him and started pouring my heart out about how I thought things were changing he said " What are you talking about, I thought we were JUST BEING FRIENDS' Thats all I want from you, I DONT FEEL THE SAME.

So this is where I am doing dark. I cant allow him to keep hurting me. I still pray, I still hope, I have a strong faith..but Im so unhappy right now. I over sleep, im crying all the time, its affecting me at work and in my personal life with my friends because I am not the most pleasant person to be around these days...im unmotivated and I could care less about anything. I wasnt like this a month ago before he started stringing me along again.

Everyone is at different stages and this is just the route that I am taking. I need to get back on the track where I am taking care of Jenn again...