Ok. I often rolled my eyes, thought H was ridiculous. Got tired of the same anecdotes, jokes and stories. All about himself and usually exaggerated. Sometimes I could barely bite my tongue listening to some new and improved version of a story. I hated that he was so much bigger than our little family, that when he came home things got so chaotic so quickly. He was provocative, liked to get a rise out of me and then held it against me that I was being a shrew. I know I made him feel like cr*p. I withheld affection, I went into self-preservation mode. I was pissed about the debt and his self indulgence and even about our both involving each other in that (I'd get tired of eating cereal for dinner while he was going for sushi so I'd go with).
Of course, that was NOT the whole picture. That is where we eventually ended up but stayed for so long as to make it nearly impossible to undo the damage.
We were two WAS living in the same house but sort of hanging in and I am the one with the come hell or high water philosophy. H feels that he was demeaned (he was), unappreciated (he was), emasculated (he was), rejected (he was), and unloved (?), as for his part, he has inklings of ideas that he was hard to live with but otherwise, "what? me? I'm a great guy."
Plus, he was so charming and likable in public, I come off as "what the heck is her problem?" so a certain crew of his friends (not the ones who really know me) are probably thinking, "good for you man, you got out."
Anyway, point is that I DO know what I did wrong and I could easily pulverize him with your words or my own and I mean I could seriously make him question his humanity, his masculinity, his sexuality, his talent, his value...but do I want to be that person? Would that make him evolve? Or grow up? Doubt it.
