Nah, not buying it. That Nietzsche quote is so shopworn, so overused; no one who's read the German would drag that one out.
Trust me, he pulls this stuff out of his a** on a dime...but anyway, do you know how many men I know who would even think to reference Nietzsche?? Exactly two and that includes you.
Homedude was raised in Europe and actually educated. But, whateva, I'm rollin' with your assessment...
I really think you should send whatever serves you best. Note the verb: "serves."
Note the object: "you"
Note the modifier: "best"
And that might well be nothing.
If you want to bet cautiously, you could consider simply telling Euro-Shmedlap: I'll have to think about that. And one of my criteria will be, 'What's in it for me?'
P.S.: Come get your crap out of my house before I put it up in a garage sale to pay yer frickin' bills. We do that in America, you know -- pay our bills. In case you were wondering -- I ain't the Marshall Plan, homez.
Aliveandkicking and SmileysPerson - do you hire out for parties? I sure hope A&K is feeling a bit better because I sure am after reading this.
Honey it does stink to be in our sitch. But at least you have wonderful people to make you laugh.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Ok. I often rolled my eyes, thought H was ridiculous. Got tired of the same anecdotes, jokes and stories. All about himself and usually exaggerated. Sometimes I could barely bite my tongue listening to some new and improved version of a story. I hated that he was so much bigger than our little family, that when he came home things got so chaotic so quickly. He was provocative, liked to get a rise out of me and then held it against me that I was being a shrew. I know I made him feel like cr*p. I withheld affection, I went into self-preservation mode. I was pissed about the debt and his self indulgence and even about our both involving each other in that (I'd get tired of eating cereal for dinner while he was going for sushi so I'd go with).
Of course, that was NOT the whole picture. That is where we eventually ended up but stayed for so long as to make it nearly impossible to undo the damage.
We were two WAS living in the same house but sort of hanging in and I am the one with the come hell or high water philosophy. H feels that he was demeaned (he was), unappreciated (he was), emasculated (he was), rejected (he was), and unloved (?), as for his part, he has inklings of ideas that he was hard to live with but otherwise, "what? me? I'm a great guy."
Plus, he was so charming and likable in public, I come off as "what the heck is her problem?" so a certain crew of his friends (not the ones who really know me) are probably thinking, "good for you man, you got out."
Anyway, point is that I DO know what I did wrong and I could easily pulverize him with your words or my own and I mean I could seriously make him question his humanity, his masculinity, his sexuality, his talent, his value...but do I want to be that person? Would that make him evolve? Or grow up? Doubt it.
I really think you should send whatever serves you best. Note the verb: "serves."
Note the object: "you"
Note the modifier: "best"
And that might well be nothing.
If you want to bet cautiously, you could consider simply telling Euro-Shmedlap: I'll have to think about that. And one of my criteria will be, 'What's in it for me?'
P.S.: Come get your crap out of my house before I put it up in a garage sale to pay yer frickin' bills. We do that in America, you know -- pay our bills. In case you were wondering -- I ain't the Marshall Plan, homez.
Stop! No, don't stop! Stop! No, no don't...LOL
As for the Marshall Plan, mama is gonna be livin' on a lot less once this gets legal. No biggie because I can live on a lot less but I am bringing in next to nothing so it is what it is. And, he has commented about Americans this and that...and when he's often gotten into how "American" I am. FYI, for dramatic accuracy, he doesn't have an accent, been here for many years.
And oh so dying to be less cliche "American" me, actually falls for it and I back down. Neat trick, right?
Okay, so let's be serious. You're kicking yourself when you're down, which isn't helpful. But people in glass houses, right? So I'm not criticizing, because I did the same thing.
But there's a world of difference between Owning Your Responsibility and blaming yourself. One helps you change; the other makes you suffer. Guess which is which? (And I'm the King of Self-Indulgent Pity here, so I speak from experience.)
Now read your evaluation: "ridiculous...all about himself...exaggerated...so much bigger than our little family...chaotic...provocative...self-indulgent...hard to live it."
Not exactly People Magazine's Hunk O' The Month.
You "withheld affection [in] self-preservation mode." Okay, so something in the sitch was threatening you.
You were upset because he wouldn't do anything about the debt, though it was clear this was an issue for you.
Again, not a winning combination.
Then you own up -- IMO, too much so -- to Euro-Shmedlap's characterization of his feelings. Fine -- you've heard him. That's legit. But you don't have to buy into his version.
My shrink had me do a good exercise -- list out all the times you can remember, specific events, when you were happy. And the opposite. And review.
My C had me do that exercise right after the bomb and then again recently. She was surprised at how little my answers had changed and how little the bad events actually directly involved DH. She figured that the distance from the bomb and my self-growth would have showed substantial changes in my perception. So, she asked did I mind if she talked to my mom and was surprised to find out that my perceptions had been dead on. It kind of much sucks when you realize that you had the fairy tale and Prince Charming turned into a frog.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
