alive: Take it from soon-to-be-divorced-dad-of-9-and-6-year-old. I'd be digging on a divorced-mom-of-9-year-old because she'd know where I was coming from. So you can lock that nonsense away.
As to charming and delightful ol' Uncle Shmedlap. You could write something like this:
Dear WAH: You asked me if I'd like to be friends. I presume you mean "friends with benefits" because I, La Moja, am MILFilicious like a mo-fo.
That's a very good question, and it deserves a very good answer, for two reasons. The first reason is that you are the father of our children, and it would do the children a world of good to have their father in their lives.
The second reason is that there are a lot of other fellas out there who might wonder whether or not I want to be "friends." Because I am La Moja, after all. Being a Hollywoodly fellow yourself, you'll certainly appreciate the awkward position I am in. Apparently, I am somewhat like General Jack D. Ripper -- these men sense my Essence. They sense my power, and they seek the Life Essence.
And frankly I'm stymied here, WAH, so I need your advice.
If you were me, would you be friends with the men who sense my power or with the man who has broken the hearts of those he is supposed to love, has abandoned his responsibilities to minor children, has abandoned his financial responsibilities, has crapped all over his marital vows, sends irritating letters with cherry-picked quotes from the Wikipedia, and who hasn't grown up enough yet to realize that the Hollywood Folk with whom he so desperately wishes to be associated will dump him as easily as they spit out yesterday's nicotine chewing gum -- or have you not noticed how quickly places on Sunset Boulevard go from Hot to Not?
Don't rush -- you don't have to answer right away. It's a toughie.
I'm not rushing. Not at all. BOB and I are doing fine, by the way, if you were wondering whether or not my pants needed getting down.
So I think your question is well worth giving sustained, deep thought to. A year or so. Maybe more. I don't want to do the wrong thing here, give you the wrong impression or anything. No, I'm going to take my time and really think it through.
But you should know one thing. Debt is unattractive to me. Romance Without Finance Is A Nuisance. So until these bills are paid, you'll be romancing Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
