Well it was a great weekend. D22 came in with GD1 (she is soooo cute) and the birthday party was a smash! I got to visit and catch up with D22, and we talked and resolved a lot of issues. It was really great.
I am about half way through packing my apartment up for the move. I cannot believe this time is now going by so fast. I have to hit D13's bedroom tomorrow, and am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT...mounds of papers and stuffed animals, cheap broken toys. Can you say overhaul????
This is the first thing in a long time that feels really right to me. I still have not heard from H, except to say when he has the fee to file the BK motion to lift the automatic stay, he will give it to me. That is the last thing. I did shoot him a quick email tonight to let him know I would be leaving the personal belongings of his in a box on the porch on Saturday, and that he could pick it up. That was my Dad's suggestion.
I still miss my brother every day. I dream about him a lot. Sometimes I wonder if he is visiting me, or if it is just my over active subconscious that is infiltrating my brain when I sleep. I say this because I am also dreaming of H, and frankly I hate that. I want to be done with this, and yet I still love him and am not sure what to do with that. I guess I will just have to carry on, since he has made it very clear to me that he does not want to be M to me anymore.
I am beginning to heal, though, and that feels really good. I am not crying so much anymore, and starting to sleep again at night. It is a great thing. Now, I look at this move as a new chapter in my life, the opportunity to start over and find my inner happiness.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
