Quote: for some it's the gentle path, showing you care, being consistent, being lovable, respect, honor....compliments....thoughtful gifts....little actions that show you care....all those things........and actually, if the emotional gesture works..it has to be backed up by the consistency.
So thoughtful pursuit....not begging and pleading most likely.....may well be in order.
LL--thanks again for the link to the pursuit post. I found the above there and when I do things for H, I do them as I would for a friend, for somebody I care about-and this is what I ask myself. I don't do them for any response from him, it's to just show I care. Thoughtful pursuit is what I have been trying to do.
He picked up son last night. H is still on the bf kick, he will not get off the subject. I said something to him awhile back which he brought up, I was kind of surprised he did bring it up. I told him flat out that I'm still married and it wouldn't be fair to somebody. H's response "so, then you can just dump them." He also asked me what I was doing, giving up, letting him go. I said what are you doing? He said nothing, I'm not going to. Then he said he had to clean the slate by the end of the year. He was out of the fog yesterday which is the way I like to look at his mood. He's was struggling with something, also. He initated with me. I said no, he said that's what I said last time, so it doesn't matter or something like that. I had the feeling he wanted to come back, but then what do I know. And that scared me, too, thinking what if he did say he was coming back...
Dinner with gf's was great, oh my god we laughed soo hard...they are such good friends and basically we can say anything to each other, these are friends I met through work throughout the years and we get together every other month.
When I came back, he again said to son mama was with her bf...he wouldn't let it go. He became very quiet the rest of the time he was there, caught him staring off into space quite a few times, asked him if something was wrong..he wouldn't say. Helped s3 with his shower, s3 didn't want to go to sleep which isn't unusual, he just won't give up. H layed with him for quite awhile and then got up and said mama's going to have lay with you it's too hot in here. When he left he barely said a word and slammed the door.
I have no idea what's up with him. He is going to watch son tomorrow. When I asked him again he said, "what have you done for me lately?" and then he said oh yeah, meaning Sunday (ML). I said if you don't want to then I'll get somebody else, it's not a problem. He then said I'll watch him. I am having big time problems with s3, he doesn't listen to me, throws things, he won't do timeouts...so I asked H what I should do..take a class or something? He didn't respond and the conversation was kind of dropped because he then confront s3 about his actions. Basically I have no control over this kid and it worries me especially as he gets older. He's a determined, stubborn, no fear little boy and he's going to be like this...I really should find a bb for difficult children. Part of it could be he feeling what's going on that H isn't there a lot and comes and goes a lot.
