You know what is sick SP? You'd dig this guy. He's cultured and interesting and charming and funny...sarcastic to a degree that can be off-putting or intriguing depending on where it is aimed. You could probably go head to head on knowledge of literature...

I LOVE that about him. Think it is wonderful that he will impart that to our kids and I've told him that.

But, he is a walking/talking id right now.

Oh please, humor me, what I'd like to say to H-

1. H- weren't you the one who sent me this a while back (in an email where you were apologizing for being such a "bastard" the last time you left)?

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

So, my dear. If we figure out how to be "friends" and lord knows you do like to get down my pants and we have two beautiful kids together? What exactly precludes us from being married?

2. So in exchange for my support and endurance in being married to you, I get the booby prize of being "friends?"

3. Have you lost your muthacrackin' mind? All of your crap and bills and mess are sitting here. Bills and debt un-dealt with. Kids suffering from missing dad syndrome. And, you want me to assure you that at the end of this road, you will have my friendship?

4. Do you realize, that your kids see you in all of your "splendor?" That you not only dropped a bomb that you weren't going to live here anymore but subsequently ran off with rock star and jetting all over bragging to them about how amazing it is. "Hey kids, I'm not with you but I'm with some super fabulous famous people so it is all good." I wont have to tell them one negative thing about you because they're seeing it for themselves. You want them to covet the way you do? And sacrifice others for their own self-aggrandizement? Are those the values you want to impart?

5. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
-Voltaire


I'm spinning again and I'll calm down. No, I can't believe this is the man I married. In the same conversation, he tells me he doesn't want to hurt me and then asks me basically if we can be friends. KNOWING, that my entire world has been turned upside down.

How about- "Sure, come home, tell me you love me, be here for your boys, agree to be home for dinner a couple of nights a week, help me implement a plan for our debt, give me a chance to be more playful and more sexual and more alive with you, keep your commitment to me and in turn, your children, and yes, I will be your friend."

Aaaarghhhh...midol moment. \:\)

I just have to avoid conversing with him!!! (Duh)

Likely I'm delusional. I've always been the more rational half of our couple. I think that cut loose from me, he'll go hog wild.

But, I can also see him regretting this and a few years down the line, mating with another woman and making up for it with a new family. I hate that sh*t. When you do things you know are f'ed up and damaging and then you just "oops, scratch that, I'm going to try again." I don't want my kids and I to be the rough draft.


But, I digress. No need for 2x4s. I know I'm off. I'm hurt. I feel f*cked with and rejected and he's got enough on me to tap into my guilt. Yep, I gave him ammo aplenty. What a set up.