Quote: if I present it in a way that I am just being thoughtful then I wouldn't think of it as pursuing
That's the approach, but with the end result being:
Present yourself as being thoughtful in a way he doesn't think of it as pursuing.
Like I said each sitch is different, for the point of illustrating 180's let me take my story:
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One of the major reasons CAW became a WAW was because she felt neglected, unloved and lonely.
My 180's:
- Started coming home earlier from work ... often times with a little something for her to show I was thinking of her ... ie, flowers, a card, a book or music CD she wanted, etc...
- I would ask about her day, saying I wanted to hear all about the highlights.
- Whenever she spoke I would gaze into her eyes. If started talking while I was reading, like the newspaper, I would put it down and turn towards her. If watching TV, I would "mute" it and turn towards her. If D10 tried to interupt, I ask her gently to let Mommy finish and then I listen to her, etc...
- I'd call her at work to see how she was doing, when she would tell me she was expecting a rough day.
- I started asking her out to dinner about once a week and help out or at least offer with whatever task/chore she was doing.
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Well I won't go into all of them, but you get the general idea ... CAW's perception went from he will never treat me right ... to he will move mountains for me (her words) .
First, offer to be thoughful with a smile , and if they are not receptive, then give the space with a smile .
, and if they are not receptive, then give the space with a smile 