Alot of the actions of a wayward mimic those who have a personality disorder- so be careful of labeling her as that until she has her psych examination. I know it's easier to label her as BPD rather than face the fact that someone you love that much as done this to you willingly- but it could be that shes just plain wayward and that's it. No one wants to think their partner is mentally stable and still doing all of that- I get it.
Other than mental issues why would she lose custody? Just because of the affair?
She has custody right now and is withholding correct? What were your issues that led her to do that or were there any?? I'm just trying to figure out your sitch.
I have a lot of evidence on her prior mental history, self-mutilation, suicidal ideation, paranoia, abandonment issues, etc. that pre-date our relationship.
And yes - some of her behavior is quite similar to the situations I read about "regular" wayward behavior... except to the extreme. She isn't content with ILYBINILWY, she has to insinuate child molestation and claim physical and mental abuse in court documents and to everyone with an ear.
I think there are plenty of reasons for her to lose custody, and I'm not even including the affair. If you labeled us PARENT A and PARENT B and compared us side by side across my state's custody determination factors - I match or exceed her on every single one. She is incapable of supporting herself, much less our daughter. Her emotional state has deteriorated into the world of black and white/all or nothing.
She started withholding custody just because. No reason. Just in an effort to control me. She cut me down to like 30 minutes every other week just when I counter-filed for custody. Her lawyer cut that out - but regardless of how she feels about me and our relationship, that doesn't affect my capabilities as a father. She should know that, considering I have two children I was already raising.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
