I haven't been able to get online for a little bit, my computer's been acting weird.
Things have been going along uneventfully. I've been continuing with my GAL and acting as if. I've been doing really well at detaching and he was noticing. He was paying more attention to me and commenting on how good I'm looking and acting worried that I was becoming too happy.
Last Tuesday I broke a rule and asked him about the status of him filing for a D. He told me that he hadn't done anything with it because he wasn't sure if it was the right decision and he didn't want to go into it too quickly. I didn't harp on him with questions. I just told him that I was happy that he wasn't rushing into anything and that he was thinking things through before making a decision. We saw each other on Friday when he went with me to a doctors appointment. We got along well and had lunch. I kept things light and friendly like I've been doing. Both days he gave me a long hug when I left; like he was holding me. It was really nice.
Today I took some clothes of his that I had found to him. I took him to get something to eat and then went home. I broke the rule of not initiating R talks again and texted him to ask what he thought of us. He said that he was leaning more toward a D than reconciliation because he still feels anxious when he's around me. I tried to validate him as best as I could by telling him that I understood why he might feel like that and then asked him if he's tried figuring out why that happens. He said he has tried but couldn't figure it out. He then told me that I needed to just move on and not wait for him to come out of this and realize that he's made a mistake or that he's made the right decision. I responded by telling him that as long as he can look back and know that he's tried everything and has no doubts then that's all he can do. He said he was trying but it was hard to do through the fog he's in. He said he'd file when he got enough money to. That alone could take a while because he doesn't have a job and is only getting unemployment.
Is this the end? Did I totally mess everything up by asking him and putting him on the spot to say something? I don't know what to do next. It seems very hopeless and like I'm just prolonging the inevitable. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without him, but it seems as though he's made up his mind and is content to just move forward with his new life and his new relationship. Should I do the last last resort technique and file myself? I feel like I'm back to square one.
