Mother's Day Disaster

[BeingMe]

Hi ACJ! Hope you had an awesome weekend!

[ACJ]

I had a day off work today - to go on a course! I'm addict to personal development

[ACJ]

Yesterday my D13 revealed a couple of things about H to me. She didn't realise she was doing this. We were just chatting (mainly about her birthday next week).

First of all she told me that H says he has given her her pocket money for May when in fact he hasn't. She was very frustated by this and tried to take it out on me.

I stopped giving her pocket money in February b/c she wasn't earning it and more to the point was becoming increasingly disrespectful to me. I know it was this month b/c ultimately this led to the current situation of her staying one week with me and one week with H.

When H first started having her for a week at a time he told her to tell me that from that point onwards he would give her her pocket money. He even told her that she would get it no matter what but if she wanted extra she would have to earn it. He immediately put a claim in for D13s child benefit (in full). I assume that was to help him pay for this increase in expenditure!

I refuted the claim and although I have not heard anything official I am beginning to wonder if he has hence the reluctance to now give her the pocket money he promised.

So this makes me think that he is still very money orientated. This isn't particularly an MLC trait for him. What is a new trait for him is that previously he would willing give money whether he had it or not (not good I know) whereas now he will only spend money he doesn't have on himself and OW!

As we sat at the dinner table she then went on to tell me that H and OW are going camping this weekend. They had asked her to go with them but she had declined. When I asked her why she said there would be nothing for her to do.

We have a bank holiday here this weekend and H and OW were intending on camping until Monday afternoon. D13 refusing to go with them has caused H a bit of a problem b/c as of 8pm on Sunday night she is supposed to be with him. He apparently pointed this out to D13 and she said that's ok I'll come on Monday when you get back. He wasn't happy at that and reminded her that she was supposed to be with him from Sunday. He clearly didn't care that he tried to take away some of my time with her (but I would have let her go if she had wanted to) but he wasn't about to let me get an extra day. So H and OW are now coming back from thier camping trip early to accomodate D13.

This tells me that for the first time in nearly 4yrs he is starting to put his children before himself and OW. I am acutely aware that actually his real motivation might be b/c he thinks he might loose out on any money he thinks he is going to get from this arrangement (which I intend to fight to the bitter end) but at least on the face of it he has put D13s wishes first.

[ACJ]

Just venting in a safe place

I feel so alone. In my mind and heart I belong to a family of 5 but in reality there is just me. My children are growing (in some cases grown) and doing all that they should be for teenagers. I thought I was lonely in my marriage but this feeling surpasses all of that.

Friendship has never come easy to me and now is no exception. I seem to be able to make friends but I can't name one life long friend. They are all transient relationships. I sometimes think it's b/c I am a bad person. Deep down I know I'm not but it doesn't change the fact that apart from when I am at work I spend nearly all of my time alone.

Those of you who follow my thread will know how hard I have tried to carve out a new life for myself. I've joined social networking clubs, I've taken classes, I've got myself a better education BUT for what?

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just come here to type how I feel b/c if I don't 'voice' it somehow I will go mad.

[naej]

Alison, I am sorry you are feeling down.Yes you need a place to vent,let it out and don't bottle it up.
I can relate b/c I am a family of 5(was),my kids all grown up now and live away. We have a fantastic rel and speak most days but at the end of the day I come home to an empty house.
I didn't have the alone feeling in the m though so I think some of your thoughts/feelings maybe due to the anti climax of all your studying plus you still have not got the old life sorted out yet. I am sure when this happens you will feel better and more able to completely let go.

Please don't feel you are the only one to feel this way.
Bit clich'ed but count your blessings,small things everyday.
Maybe do some volunteer work now you have a bit more time.
Lots of people spend most of their time alone but are not engulped by lonliness, maybe thats a personality thing.
Why do you think the friendships don't last (I know some are meant to be that way, for a reason or a season).

The sun is shining, B.Holls are hard but it will get better.
Got a good book you can escape into?
Take care.

[ACJ]

Thanks Naej.

I don't know why the friendships don't last. If I did I could work hard at changing that very reason. All I know is that each time I think I have found someone who I can trust they seem to leave my life as quickly as they entered it. Maybe my idea of frienship is not one that others subscribe to. Who knows.

As for the good book if I sit on my derriere reading much longer I think I'll fuse into the settee

[naej]

As for the good book if I sit on my derriere reading much longer I think I'll fuse into the settee

Aha, that explains the problem I have been having! heres me thinking I had turned into a coach potato and really it's medical thing.

Just a thought but do you maybe open up to quickly and overwhelm them or conversly hold back too much and don't relax enough to have fun times.

[ACJ]

Just a thought but do you maybe open up to quickly and overwhelm them or conversly hold back too much and don't relax enough to have fun times

I've probably been guilty of both at times

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,

I am sorry you have problems keeping friendships. It isn't an easy thing to keep. I never thought about it why I can keep so many friends. Maybe it is because they don't see me very often since they live all over the world and we don't have much contact - LOL!

I was told recently that I am a lively person who likes to do lots of different things and that's why my GFs like me. Maybe try not to burden others with your problems (you probably don't, but just a thought). You seem to go to so many social events that you really should make friends easily.

I know I have not meat any guys I keep in touch with apart from my "hiker" whom I meat occasionally. But meating a new partner is a totally different thing from making new friends, and I seem to make some men nervous, why I don't know but obviously it is a negative thing.

I wish you good luck with making some friends. (((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

Thanks TL. It isn't so much the making friends it is keeping them.

It's official my H has completely lost the plot!

Tonight when I got home from work I had a pleasant surprise in that D13 was here. She had been out all day with her friends, got cold, decided to come home for some warmer clothes and then decided to wait to see me when I got in from work.

She told me that H sat her and S16 down this morning and explained about his 'plans' for thier summer holiday. Kids get 6weeks off in the summer here in the UK and he told them that if they wanted to he and OW had arranged it so that they could go to Czech Republic, stay with OWs parents, for a WHOLE MONTH so that they could experience the culture. Apparently OWs parents own a factory and he said kids could go work there and earn some money! and the best bit? They get to go alone; w/o H & OW

W H A T T H E F * * K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S16 has met OWs parents once, D13 has never met them. H doesn't think it is necessary to involve me in this decision!

So first he thinks he has the god given right to dictate to me when I can and can't see my own kids by dictating D13's 'rota' to me. Now he thinks he can expect me to give up two of those weeks in order to send my children to stay with people who are essentially strangers. To put the icing on the cake he thinks I will be happy for them to go and work in factory in a country where it's own people are leaving in droves b/c living and working conditions are so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The one (v small) saving grace is that D13 and S16 both said that a month is too long!!!!!!!!! D13 gave me the impression (although didn't say outright) that she didn't want to go at all. I have no legal power to stop S16 going if he so wishes but I sure as hell will exercise every legal right I can muster to fight D13 going.

If H and OW were taking them on holiday that would be a different story (albeit begrudingly) but this feels to me like they are just trying to:

a) Cut thier costs so that they won't have two extra mouths to feed for a month

b) Get cheap child care. Well heeeeeeeeeellllllllllloooooooo motherhood and all it's responsibilities come FRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE

c) Wind me up. Well hell they achieved one out of three.