I haven't posted to you for awhile, but I have been following your sitch. I'm sorry that you and your children are hurting right now.
I just wanted to chime in and say that I totally agree w/25, as far as telling your children about their father's affair. I've never read a book or spoken to a counselor who has supported that strategy.
Think long and hard about this -- you don't want to hurt the children anymore than they're already hurting.
