Right now you need to be able to fill your own love buckets.
And therein lies the rub. (ok, never say "rub" to a guy in a SSM, but you know what I mean ... ). I've been doing without my wife filling my love buckets for the better part of 20 years, and now -- while I can see that INTELLECTUALLY what you say is true -- I'm stuck in a hopeless Catch-22. Because if I assert myself, I come across as "needy" and "pursuing" and like the wounded victim. And if I DON'T, then she complains that the "distance" isn't just her, but it's me, too, and she points out how I've pulled away.
And she is NOT one that pursues when I pull back -- that "he/she who cares the least" thing NEVER worked with her.
She just called me at work (which she rarely does), and had that "nice, soft" voice. I do think she's trying, however inelegantly.
Puppy
Find the Golden Mean. Maybe you come across to her as having 2 speeds only. She may see that you are either full tilt "what is good for me is good for our marriage" ... OR ... lights off, door closed, "if you want in, knock but I'm closed." What if the air temp is more like "Being your partner is where I want to be. I'll be patient with you and myself while we work on establishing the new and healthy patterns of our new and healthy love affair." With two speeds only, she may feel like she is either 'fighting' to have her space or 'fighting' to not be alone. Search for Balance. Cheers ~
). I've been doing without my wife filling my love buckets for the better part of 20 years, and now -- while I can see that INTELLECTUALLY what you say is true -- I'm stuck in a hopeless Catch-22. Because if I assert myself, I come across as "needy" and "pursuing" and like the wounded victim. And if I DON'T, then she complains that the "distance" isn't just her, but it's me, too, and she points out how I've pulled away.