WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[SmileysPerson]

Solid DB'ing. Solid.

did notice that her mom was glaring/frowning at me...like she was trying to protect her from me and my relatives...wouldn't even look at me in the eye (I really hope she's not steering my wife down this path)

Don't sweat the small stuff. C'mon -- it's her mother. It's what they do, no matter how old the child. My mother wants to 'slap the sh*t out of' WAW. At 72. Okay. Got it. You don't like that I'm being hurt.

I'll just have to be careful not to be too hung over just in case.....

Don't be ANY hung over. You're under the microscope. You're setting an example for the boys. Save the "not too hung over" for escape weekends.

[confusedinpa]

Thanks SmilesPerson. I didn't feel that it was that good, but that's what's nice about the forum - getting people's perspective from the outside (albeit the journaling/posts are one sided as they are just coming from me, I do try to keep it as unbiased as possible as I am trying to get real feedback to make adjustments.

Anyway, this morning when the boys got up, they went to play downstairs. I got ready and went down to join them. My 3 year old asked if it was a home day today. I said no, they are visiting mommy's place again. My 7 year old said see I told you. My 3 year old started to get upset.

I comforted them both a little with hugs and kisses and then started getting their stuff together. I did text my wife to let her know that they were up (it's part of our agreement so she knows when she can come get them). She responded right away that she would get ready and be right over.

I did ask the boys again what toys they wanted to take over. My 7 year old selected a couple of things and my 3 year old said nothing, he wanted to keep everything at home. I did talk in into taking a box of lego's. I also asked about a batman toy that they got 2 of. They said no, they wanted to keep it home.

When my wife came to pick them up, I really stuck (sorry no pun intended Stuck808) my foot in my mouth as I said - Hey, that's a familiar sight. My 7 year old picked up on it right away, as I'm sure my wife did, as he said "Mommy didn't you wear those clothes yesterday?". She said "Yes it is, I was in a hurry to get ready this morning" She was wearing the same outfit that she wore to the party yesterday, which was the same as what she wore to the baseball game on Weds. Since she gained all the weight, there isn't much clothes that she has that still fits. She said that she waiting to lose the weight before buying new clothes.

And before anyone asks, NO - I do not think she was out with someone else and stayed at their place. I can not be 100% sure, but do not believe there is someone else, at least not right now.

When she saw what she the boys was taking, I could tell she was not happy. She asked my 7 year old about taking one of the Batman toys. He said, he and his brother talked about and decided they wanted to keep them both at home. My wife just looked at me and I shrugged. I said I had tried to get them to agree last nite as well.

She started telling me about her night. After she got back to her apartment after the B'day party, she said she rested. Then the bookcase that she ordered had arrived so she spent most of last nite putting it together and getting an anti-tip strap installed on it. She said she didn't get to bed till 11:30 as she wound up eating the left over tomato pie for dinner at 9:00 and it gave her heartburn so she couldn't lay down (pretty common when she eats tomato sauce). I just said - "Oh, that sucks" and left it at that.

Then I gave my boys hugs and kisses goodbye. When they were in her truck, they asked for extra ones so I went out and gave it to them. She then waved goodbye, as did the boys as she left. I was very sad.

I did go to church. Then I went to the small group session but I was the only one there. Guess everyone went away for the weekend. I went to the gym and just finished eating lunch. Now I'm going to get the grass cut and finish cleaning up from the party yesterday. I'm suppose to go out with one of my buddies to Philly tonite, but not sure if I'm really in the mood. We shall see.....

[confusedinpa]

Looks like the nite is starting off on a positive note

My 7 year old called to say that mommy said it was ok for us to get together tomorrow! Yeah! He chatted about his day for about 10 minutes. Then I talked to my 3 year old. They were both excited that my wife took them to the store to use their gift cards

My wife got on the phone at the end. I asked her if she had any ideas on what to do. She said the boys suggested bowling or miniature golf. Then she asked if I had plans that would need to be worked around. I said I had a few things planned but they weren't time sensitive so I was flexible.

She said that she would talk with me tomorrow morning to work out the details

I said good nite

Now I'm suppose to meet one of my buddies tonite at a club. Let's hope the "positivity" continues

[confusedinpa]

I thought the nite out was going to be a complete bomb as the club I was suppose to meet my buddy at was closed. We wound up going to a local bar - ironically, the one that I met my wife in almost 12 years ago.

I told my buddy as we walked in. He just shook his head.

The place was pretty good, although it made us both feel very old as most of the people there were in the EARLY 20's (some I could have sworn were fake ID's). No biggie. The beer was cold and the wings were good. We talked about my relationship a little, but chatted about other things as well (racing, girls in the bar, etc.) It was a good time. When it got to midnite, decided to call it a nite.

My 7 year old called this morning at 9 we chatted for a while before he asked what time I wanted to meet to go bowling. I said I was good for any time. Then I heard my wife say something to him and he said the they were going to a store to pick up a desk first then could head out. Then he said he had an idea and asked me to hold on. I heard him ask my wife if I should go with them to help carry the desk. I didn't hear her answer but he got back on the phone a little sad and just said "Oh, never mind". I told him I know what his idea was and it was a good idea. He was still sad and didn't say anything.

Then my 3 year old got on the phone and chatted for a bit. Then my wife got on the phone and said that she will call me when she's coming back from the store so we can meet up at her apartment. I told her that I'll just pull up and I'll call so they can come down.

I got there and my boys were outside of the building. They came running when they saw my truck pull in. I thought they were going to run into the parking lot, but both stayed on the sidewalk. I got out and told them that I was really glad to see them as well as how great it was that they knew not to run into the parking lot.

My wife came out and I put on a big smile and positive attitude as I said good morning. She brought waters for us to drink and juice for the boys as we drove to the bowling alley.

As we drove, she started complaining about how her computer broke after owning it for just over 30 days (she bought it 2 days after she moved out). I just acknowleded and validated how frustrated she was. Then she shifted about how she needs to lose 5 lbs this week as she's getting really frustrated that none of her clothes fit her. I used Sandi's suggestion and gave her a big smile as I said - "I think you look really sexy in that outfit". She didn't say anyting in response, but at least she stopped complaining.

I did tell her that I was thinking about taking the boys next Friday nite to see Night at the Museum 2 - (my 3 year old loved the first one as he seen it so many times, he knows EVERY single word, literally every single word and line). She said her and the boys had just talked about going to a local theatre that we normally go to for weekend matinee's (it's a nice, kid friendly place that's very cheap, but they don't get movies until about 4-6 weeks after they come out). I just said ok, I'll just wait then (not sure if I'm going to be invited or not, but figure I'll just play it by ear).

Then the boys started talking to us about stuff as we drove. I did wind up asking her if she had any plans for lunch. She said she didnt and I told her I had a craving for a place that we had taken the boys to a while back that was a lot of fun. She said that sounded like a good idea.

We had a good time bowling. She wasn't doing very well so when it was my turn, I joked, you have to wiggle before you start, that's the trick to getting a strike. Of course, when I did it, it threw off my entire approach as I stepped over the line and slipped. She and the boys really had a good time laughing about it. I just smiled as I got up, particularly as the ball rolled into the gutter. I said ok, maybe not quite like that.

When she got up, she was still laughing and turned to me as she wiggled and asked with a smile "Like this?". She did better, no gutter ball nor slipping. I just smiled and gave her a high five.

Then my 7 year old started to do the wiggle as well. My 3 year old tried it, but wound up with similar results as me (no gutter ball as the bumpers were up), but he stepped over the line and slipped as well. Ouch. When it happended a second time with my 3 year old, he started crying about how he wanted to stop and just go home. My wife and I comforted him for a bit. I helped him bowl his next turn and then he was back in the groove (he actually broke 100 in his second game).
We bowled for about 1.5 hours (just 2 games) and we all laughed and high fived and joked around. At one point she was sitting next to me. I found that I had my hand on her back. I pulled it away. Another time, she was sitting one seat away from me when I turned to talk to her, she moved into the seat next to me, even though my arm was around that back of that chair. She even leaned back so my arm wound up resting on her back. I didn't move it that time.

As I drove to lunch, I told her that I think I'll take them bowling next Sat since my 7 year old can't do Dodgeball like he normally does at the YMCA on Sat. She said that I can let her know when we go, but most likely won't come. I just said, ok, it's up to you. I shifted topics quickly and we continued with a good time with the 4 of us at lunch. After lunch, as we drove home, my 7 year old asked if he could go home (my place) to play video games as my 3 year old took his nap. My wife said that perhaps he could ride his scooter (her place) while his brother napped. He seemed sad when he said ok. I told him that we will definitely play video games next weekend.

As we drove, my wife asked if I would be ok if they went home and I could just call her when it was time to pick them up. I said absolutely, I would love to spend the afternoon with them.

We played video games as my 3 year old napped. I told him that I was really glad when he asked mommy about going bowling together. He said that when he asked, mommy asked him if it was daddy's idea or his. He told her that it was his. I told him that it was a great idea and I was glad he came up with it. When my 3 year old was done with his nap, the 3 of us played outside.

At six I had my 7 year old call her, not that I wanted her to pick them up, but realized that it was getting close to dinner time, so I didn't want her to think I was trying to screw her out her time with the boys. The first thing my 7 year old said was it if was ok to stay at home tonite (ACK I thought). He then turned to me and said mommy said if it was ok with me. I said "Absolutely yes!".

Then I got on the phone with her and said that I would need his book bag and my 3 year old's nap stuff to take in with them tomorrow. She said that I could pick up the stuff from her place and suggested that a place to take them for dinner that she knows the boys enjoy. I asked if she wanted to join us and she said that she was just going have a salad as she really needs to lose weight. I told her that I thought she looked really sexy today, but if she wanted to join us, they would/should have salad there as well. She started talking about eating light and losing weight again. I took the hint that she didn't want to come so I just said ok, if that's what she wanted to do.

She then started to complain about how she's going to have to send in her laptop to get fixed and she was going to be without a computer for 3 weeks and blah, blah, blah. I acknowledged and validated her frustration and then said that I had to get going as it was late so I had to work out what to do about dinner.

The boys and I had dinner at home as they wanted to play outside some more. I then decided to take our Camaro Iroc Convertible to pick up the stuff from her apartment (I only put about 1000 miles on it a year). The boys were really excited to ride in it.

When we got to her place and picked up the stuff, my 7 year old gave my wife a hard time to finishing last in bowling, even my 3 year old beat her. She said that she is going to practice so she'll be ready for next time. Then the boys asked for hugs and kisses. Then my 3 year old asked for a high five as did my 7 year old. As she walked by me and said goodbye, I just said where's my high five with a smile. She smiled and gave me a high five.

The boys did a great job getting ready for bed and as I tucked them in, I told them that I had a great time today and told my 7 year old that he had a great idea and thanked him.

It was a great surprise to have the boys again. I'm a little surprised that my wife was so apt to give up another nite with the boys. Before everyone jumps in as to why she's giving up a couple of nites with the boys, NO - I still do not believe there is someone else, although I can not be 100% certain, I am pretty confident.

[confusedinpa]

Just thought it was ironic that this was my horoscope for today. At first I thought about taking this as a swing away to create new energy in pursuing my wife, but didn't want to get beaten up by everyone here (especially Sandi).

"Don't you think it's time for some bright, new beginnings in your life? Start by making a fresh start in an old, stale relationship. It's not about moving on -- it's about reminding yourself why they are in your life in the first place. Revisit archived emails, photos, and other mementos of the two of you; then call them up for a walk down memory lane. If new energy is what you want, new energy is what you need to create."

My wife just sent me a single email today - more stuff on the news about her Dad getting let go. I didn't answer it as it seemed to be more FYI.

Hope everyone had a safe long weekend. I know I had a good one as I got to spend extra time with my boys.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Just thought it was ironic that this was my horoscope for today. At first I thought about taking this as a swing away to create new energy in pursuing my wife, but didn't want to get beaten up by everyone here (especially Sandi).

I guess that all depends on whether or not you want to try to use proven methods at saving marriages (DBing), or follow horoscopes?

Puppy

[confusedinpa]

Just thought it was ironic that this was my horoscope for today. At first I thought about taking this as a swing away to create new energy in pursuing my wife, but didn't want to get beaten up by everyone here (especially Sandi).

I guess that all depends on whether or not you want to try to use proven methods at saving marriages (DBing), or follow horoscopes?

Puppy

Puppy,

So true - I didn't post it to imply I was going to start high pursuit, just thought it was ironic.

I'm keeping up with the Dark/Dim, after the email late this morning about her dad, that I didn't reply to, she tried to call me this afternoon. I was in a meeting so I couldn't/didn't pick up. She didn't leave a message so I didn't call her back.

I am a little bumming today as she will have the boys tonite. I was almost tempted to ask if she wanted me to pick them up so that they won't be bouncing back and forth just for 1 nite (they were home Thurs, Fri and Sat nite, stayed at her apt Sun nite, then back at home last nite and are suppose to visit her tonite before being back at home tomorrow nite). I just hate putting them through all the back and forth but I know the boys do miss their mommy as well.

Any thoughts?

[cire2]

Stay still, let them see her and this gives you the opportunity to build on your patience.

cire

[sandi2]

Just letting you know that I have not forsaken you. I got the flu and have been down several days. Will talk soon.


Sandi

[confusedinpa]

Stay still, let them see her and this gives you the opportunity to build on your patience.

cire

Cire,

You know, you're right. I'm going to go to the gym tonite to work on ME (as well as keep my mind off the entire situation), plus I never finished cleaning up from the B'day party since I had them on Monday as well. I will still call them to say good nite like have other nites and will see them tomorrow. Not sure about her as it's suppose to rain (the last 3 Weds, we had dinner together before my 3 year old had baseball).

Thanks for dropping by so quickly to prevent me from making a mistake