John, As you can see you will get many different views on how you should proceed. What I think some are not clear on is what you want when this is over...my advice is based on you want your wife back at home and will do what you have to do to make that happen.
That is why I think you need to expose...not to punish. Until the affair is over and her living in the apartment there is not much you can do other than to expose if you want this over. There are no guarantees...you could wake up in the morning and decide you are finished.
Yes many are correct in the biblical sense that you should forgive and move on. Adultry is one of the few reasons God has given permission for divorce...not in any way trying to bring religion into this situation...not for any PC reasons. It is just not time right now. I would like to see you get back into church with you daughter and wife when this is over...again, a personal desision.
The prep for the divorce is important...you can always stop it it up to the last minumte and could always remarry later so that doesn't mean your marriage is over forever if you don't want it to be...although use your smarts to think.
Nothing wrong with you going dark...it has nothing to do with strength although you will need it...it is to force your W to acknowledge what her life will be like with you not in it at all and a part time daughter.
These are tools for you to use to get back together not to punish...if you feel that anger and revenge is controlling your decisions then please take a break from everything for a few days. School should be out soon...time for a road trip for you and daughter to visit her grandparents?
