Future, he is on a temporary duty assignment until August. At that point he has to decide if he will continue to be in the military, in that case he will try to come back to Ak, or get out, in which case he will also come back to Ak. Im not sure why he wants to come back, if its to be close to me, or just because he loves it here.

I told him about my cookout last night and he said that he misses those kinds of nights. I replied that I had been missing a lot of things lately and he said that he had too. Thats as far as that went, I moved onto another topic of conversation quickly so things didnt get uncomfortable.

Im going at this as steps towards our reconciliation, Im not sure what his take on it is. Maybe getting a friendship going with me will help him assuage his conscience for the awful things hes done. Im not sure. When he says things about how much he misses us, and how hes been so sad I just cant understand why he thinks that hes still making the right choices. I used to try to assure him that things would be ok, and whatnot, now I just let him say them. Ive told him how I feel, so he knows. Repeating it hasnt helped so far.

I really think that he cant forgive himself for whats happened. So he would be the one who couldnt move on. Its tragic, but thats one of my biggest fears in all of this.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...