Right now you need to be able to fill your own love buckets.
And therein lies the rub. (ok, never say "rub" to a guy in a SSM, but you know what I mean ... ). I've been doing without my wife filling my love buckets for the better part of 20 years, and now -- while I can see that INTELLECTUALLY what you say is true -- I'm stuck in a hopeless Catch-22. Because if I assert myself, I come across as "needy" and "pursuing" and like the wounded victim. And if I DON'T, then she complains that the "distance" isn't just her, but it's me, too, and she points out how I've pulled away.
And she is NOT one that pursues when I pull back -- that "he/she who cares the least" thing NEVER worked with her.
She just called me at work (which she rarely does), and had that "nice, soft" voice. I do think she's trying, however inelegantly.
). I've been doing without my wife filling my love buckets for the better part of 20 years, and now -- while I can see that INTELLECTUALLY what you say is true -- I'm stuck in a hopeless Catch-22. Because if I assert myself, I come across as "needy" and "pursuing" and like the wounded victim. And if I DON'T, then she complains that the "distance" isn't just her, but it's me, too, and she points out how I've pulled away.