I was posting in "newly separated" as H dropped bomb on 5/16/09; however, H is still here and the posts I've written and rec'd feedback from indicate my H may be in MLC.
I am so very confused! When H dropped bomb I went into begging and pleading that day and felt terrible the following day. Than I picked myself up and got back on the DB'ing horse and talked no R. H talked no R and guess what H responded and even actually seemed himself for a couple of days. In fact H said it was the best two days we've had in a long time. I know my attitude contributed; however, H also was communicating with me and not focusing on leaving that is why it went well. So those days ended but nothing has gotten worse, just treading water and walking on egg shells.
H has been unhappy for a long time and last year he started communicating with a couple of people from Montreal online and they invited him to visit. Was hesitant but let him go we work and live together so I had hoped that making contact outside our marriage, etc. may give him some happiness. However, after he came back you could tell that he was interested in them being his friends and not introducing me, etc. He visited a couple of more times and than last Thanksgiving started telling me he would like to go live in Montreal and have more friends/people around him that were not so judgmental, etc. So he went to visit again around New Year's Eve and was there again just recently for a week in April. Each time he came back he claimed his love for me and wanting our M to work. However, H dropped the bomb 5/16/09 he wanted to move to Montreal; but, H has not left nor made any plans to do so. So, I have not been talking R, but I am going crazy inside wondering what is going through his mind.
I have been reading about MLC, the website recommended to me http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, is very helpful and I read some of it and I can link some of his behavior to MLC; but am still hesitant if H is in a MLC yes or no. H is not exhibiting usual MLC signs of OW. FYI, we did go through an OW about 10+ years ago and this particular situation H is in now is not similar to that behavior. Also, could H have been in a MLC that far back or is H in one now - very confused!
H tells me he loves me, H does say some not so nice things but overall is respectful and still staying; however, he does have angry modes, modes of wanting to touch and modes of not wanting to be together and short with me. Am I ready to ride this roller coaster which I understand can be years or do I take a direct approach of presenting MLC issues to him and tell him that is what I think he is going through?
I don't think H is going to bring up R talk anytime soon, is this okay? Or, can I bring up R when I feel like it - I would like to find out what the hell is going on but also understand from reading MLC H might not know what the hell is going on...
Why is H staying?
Thanks for listening,
M 42 years H 41 years Married 16 years; together 22 years No Kids Dropped Bomb 5/16/09 H Still here
