Took awhile, but I guess I have decided what is next for me to a certain degree. It might change, and I'm OK with that, but I feel as if I've made my peace with it.
I have decided that the ball is in his court per say. I know this probably is wrong, but I'm OK with it. I have emailed him and told him that I do love him, but I feel as if I have talked, written, and done everything I can at this point. He needs to address it eventually, see someone, whatever he wants . As of now, I'm OK in my marriage as it stands, but may not always be. Just seems silly to keep harping on someone who has no interest, or say's he doesn't know how anymore. In my opinion, IF you love someone, and want a change, you either work on it together, or you figure it out. It's uncomfortable, yes, never said it was easy, and if he truly wants a change, then he'll seek it out. If not, then nothing I could have done more would change that anyway.
Do I think I can live in a sexless marriage?? hmmmmmmm Not sure, doubtful, but I love him enough to try, and wait and see. However I also love myself enough to say that if I can't, it's OK and I tried all I could. IF I leave this marriage in the future, it is with the knowledge I did my best. I'm not giving up, I'm just leaving it in his hands now.
I'm happy with this, less pressure. Do I hope for more, yes, but it can't be forced or begged out of him. IF he's being honest in saying he also wants more, then he will maybe figure out how to on his own. Holding his hand, and trying to lead him wasn't working, and wont.
