I'm back again, after a resless night. Son woke up twice, which woke me up and than I start to obsess and can't sleep.
Okay the ML is more of the same or a cheeseless tunnel and I am going to stop initiating. It's bringing us a little closer, but other than that nothing else.
I brought up seeing our son as he was leaving last night. I asked him when he was going to see son again, he said probably tonight and then I said and Thursday night. He then said he wasn't for sure about tonight and to not count him and I then said then Tuesday. He then said "I'm not on your schedule" I said don't you want to see son? I thought he should probably see him more often and he said "why?"
Lately when he comes over, especially on a Sunday, he'll ask me what I'm doing with my life and today driving into work I really thought about an answer. So next time he asks I'm going to say "I'm doing it right now, I'm living my life with son, I can come and go as I please, I can go to bed when I want to, I don't have to worry about what kind of mood you're going to be in when you get here, don't have to worry what kind of mood you're going to be in if you've stopped after work for a few or how you're going to treat me. This has actually beed the best summer I've had in a long time, H. Son has enough male role models in his life that he's probably not loosing out on too much right now. Yes, I'd rather you be here full time but since you're not there are enough people in our lives that care about us and invite us places that we can go on and will go on without you.
I'd really appreciate feedback on the above paragraph. Is it too much, I don't know if it would bring him closer or push him away either...maybe push him away, but hey he is away right now.
He keeps bringing up boyfriends and I told him I'm married and don't have a boyfriend. It's almost like he's hoping I do find one. I cannot am not looking for a replacement. In my eyes we are still married and if I did start seeing someone I'd be no better than him and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can look past the feel good stuff that's always at the beginning to it's a mistake and to not get involved until I am officially D'd!!
