I think your wife likes the chase. She wants the control, but when she sees she is losing it, she chases you. Just a guess.
The reason why she isn't meeting all of your needs, going to a counselor, Retrouvaille, etc. is that she would have to lose a lot of control. She would have to admit the many things she did, even just to herself, and that's a hard spot to be in. She would prefer to leave the past the past and move forward. Which is good, but you have to do some of the other first before you can do that.
Like Puppy said, you give her a LOT, and she'd be crazy to leave you. What are some things YOU want? What would make YOU happy? Tell her, and do them.
