H hasn't called yet. When we spoke on Tuesday he was going to be here to spend the day with son. I have not heard from him since then so have no idea if he's back or where he is. If he doesn't call soon then I'm going to just leave with son and not worry about it. On the other hand he did say he was coming over so a phone call might not be necessary. I'm also on the computer right and am tying up the phone line, maybe on purpose.
My gal pals came over last night, I pulled out pictures from HS and our partying days. Boy have we changed, have some photos from my friends wedding and she said "I thought I look good on my wedding day" now I can't believe what I looked like, perms were in back then. We laughed like we haven't laughed in a long time time. We had some great times back then and it's amazing we're alive, we all were roommated together at one time. Drank a lot and drove a lot...we were so stupid.
One friend asked me how things were going and is appalled and disgusted (sp?) that I am even trying to work on this marriage, especially with him being with OW still. I'm beginning to wonder what I'm doing also. Am I insane? When I can take the focus off of H and OW, I see that I am doing fine without them, I have a lot to offer someone, also and maybe there is someone out there that really is meant to be with me and that this M was just a trial run. I just don't know anymore if it's worth it or at least today I don't know. Do I look stupid, people must think I'm stupid for wanting to work this out, especially considering where he's at...why is he there?
As long as I feel in control then I question why I want to try to work this out, when he's in control or when I was obsessing, meaning last week when I didn't know where he was, then I was getting desparate and feeling like I needed him back. On the other hand, when I image live with out him and I can. He's going to be in my life because of son either way, why do I want to put myself through the ringer when he does come back. I'm really confused right now.
This is going to be a great day anyway, be positive Cathy!!! Reach for the best, get the best.
