Hi Fighting Fit, you are legend! I am still in pain not knowing whether I'm insane or not. I really hope that you could give comments to what I am going through at the moment.
About 10 months ago I had this gut feeling that wouldn't want to go away easily. I dismiss it at the beginning and put it down to my being inconvenience and insecure about our new role in the family, but when my stomach felt like it was full with butterfly, I could not have helped myself to do some syping. Then some tell tale signs began to reveal:
text late at night, deleted text massages and call logs, mobile phone always on hand (or it seemed!) new sexy undergarments (never before!), changes in music taste, more independent and prefer to be alone and seems to be careless with things around the house (we have 3 girls, 16, 14 and 8).
She started to talk about one specific guy often, and at one time because of the office problem that this guy facing she asked me to help him, which I was happily did. After awhile I felt uncomfortable with her attention and focus on this guy. She started to read all companies rules and policies after she got home and pay less attention to the family. I explained my concern about this, especially after she frequently talked and text late at night (which I suspect to this guy) which she said she could not understand since they are 'just friends' but nevertheless she agreed to my term that no more late night texting or call and she will tell me if there was any red flag.
Then one night when she was having a shower I read her text sending to one of her male co-worker: "where are you?" I found this strange since she was not supposed to have any appointment with this guy that day. Then after she finished showering I realized she had deleted the text while other text to that guy that involved their office matters still there (my wife aksed me to help him with his office problems). That night I confronted her calmly about the text which surprised her because whe had agreement about it, and after awhile she said that she could not remember about it, I tried to be specific then she gave me a lame answer about her being worried that he might have got late to start that afternoon (they worked on shift). I asked her why she did not put his name on the phone list (it was only number and I had to do some spying jobs to know that it was him) and she said (lame answer again)that guy was having problem with their boss and she did not want to sent the wrong answer to the boss should she knew my wife was close to this guy. But she admitted that she had a symphaty to this guy because he had worked hard and was unfairly treated. I reminded her about her duty as a mother and wife and told her my concern with her being close to him. She promised (again)me to keep her distance and would inform me whenever she/the guy sent the text to each other. We slept peacefully that night.
Although my gut feeling still stubbornly haunting me I started to loosen up my spying on her until accidently this guy called my wife in panic saying that their boss had his phone (which he carelessly left at the office) and had read all the texts including from/to my wife. My wife was also seemed to panic which I could not understand why, when I asked her she said that the guy had warned her that she might be called by the boss. I calmed her and told her that she shouldn't have worried if she did not say anything bad about the boss and if the boss asked her just tell the thruth. But I noticed that my wife was so restless at night and acting strange at day. Then the boss called her and told her (according to my wife)that this guy had sent the test to other person saying my wife was helping him in taking a letter illegally from the office. Offcourse my wife denied her involvement to the boss and to me and for me this was the right movement to 'discredit' the guy. However, to my astonishment my wife seemed undisturbed with this guy behaviour, rather than becoming more distance (you would be mad if someone told you a thief wouldn't you?)she was even closer (from my point of view)to him. I could not find a trace of anger on her to this guy. Then I noticed that the pattern of deleted text and call lists remain there.
When I confronted her slowly whether she had something more to say to me she told me that all this time she was being totally honest and clean to me and she was hurt that I accused her for having an affair (I never said that). Then one night before we slept I asked her the same question again and told her that I knew she had deleted text all this time. Then she broke off, admitted to me that she did deleted text when I asked when she referred to the time when she was in the bathroom pretending to have shower. I was furious about her dishonesty and she cried in tears telling me that she did not know what had gotten into her.
I felt betrayed but she assured me that there were nothing happening between them (sexually) and blamed the condition where she needed to work with him often.
I started to suspect on the physical things when her bedroom behaviour changes quite drastically. One time she was full of fire and initiated the moves, next time she turned cold turkey. Also the techniques and words she was using were changes. She started to talk about the size of 'male things', which really made me uneasy. There were also times when right after our bedroom session she talk about how the frequent of our intimacy needs to be cut down (its already low or almost none existence for god sake!) because it would make her tired and could not concentrate when in work. And also the time when we already planned a romantic dinner, abrupt cancellation came because she needed to go to work due to the short staff (happened mostly in this other guy shift off course!!!). This is not to mention about the sexy lingerie that she bought but rarely put on display for me (she did wear it to work though) and oh yeah.... brazilian wax.
Actually my main worry is the fact that it is never sunk into her mind that the other guy was taking advantage of her all this time. She said she had 'finished' with the guy but failed to see my concern. She took the blame on her but not to this guy. It seemed that she wanted to protect him. She always speaks highly of this guy (she did that often withoug her seemed knowing it) and never thought that he just a 'scum'. For me this is why the pattern of her lying about him keep on reapeating. The fact that she knows where he is working now is also very suspicious (how did she know when no one of her co-worker knows about it and she told me before that she did not know where he was going when he left).
Alhtough the guy had left the place where my wife works, I still have this feeling that they still maintain their contact. I knew this because my wife inadvertently told me about the place where this guy is working now, though when I tried to ask for more details she quickly said she got it from her friend at work.
Am I getting crazy? Is she cheating or was she cheating? My gut feeling still driving me mad but I do not have any solid proof at all except all the tell tale signs and the above incidents. After she knew I checked on her phone and her email, there are nothing left in there.
