Happy Birthday! No, I wouldn't expect any type of acknowledgement of your special day. Plan to do something for yourself and do not have any expectations about what he will or won't do.
What does she have that you don't? Nothing. It all about revisiting the past and the excitement of picking up where they left off years ago. It's that old "spark" from younger days and the thought of doing it just one more time takes over and they have to finish what they started so many years ago. Keep in mind, it takes two to spark the fire once again.
She's nothing special, she's just as needy as he is right now and they need to hold each other up while trying to find themselves. People like this feed off of each other until one is completely gone or used up.
From what you have described of his childhood, he's sought love and affection during that time and didn't get it. Who can compete with the bottle? He's searching for something that he didn't receive as a child...validation, affirmation and right now she's fueling his ego more and more. You have to remember, you know him best, his faults, quirky habits and he can't lie to you. As for her, he can pretend to be something he's not, lie till the cows come home and it's all a fantasy. A fantasy that will not last for old habits die hard.
Your complaint is with the woman. I would leave well enough alone when it comes to her children. I'm sure they are already aware of some of her antics and they are not responsible for their mother's behavior.
Just remember, the more you go after them in any way, the harder they will pull together and your h will protect her. There may come a time when you will have your say and I would do it then. Until that time comes, protect yourself, your children and your assets.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
