Oh what a day this turned out to be. MIL had a family gathering for Memorial Day. I did not go. Wife talked to MIL and MIL said that her and the kids could come out. Wife showed up with the kids and her "friend". Wife's stepfather told her "friend" was not welcome. That she is still married to me. Wife told them that they lost a daughter and 3 grandkids.
Shortly after MIL called to tell me what transpired, I got the following text message from my wife: "Thank you for ruining everything between my Mom and me. You have to be so f-in perfect. Well you can have them and I'm seeing a lawyer this week."
I didn't respond at all. She's trying to bait me and I'm not falling for it. She doesn't have the money for a lawyer. Even if she did, it is what it is.
MIL told me that if my wife files that she wants me to have full custody. Everyone in their family will speak on my behalf because they all know my wife is sick (suffering from depression).
Keep laying low. She is going to fire off the projections like the Fourth of July. Do your best to be calm man, sounds like your already aware of this. I'm sure there will be more in the next few days.
Hunker down, keep your cool and stay out of this. Let her and her parents go at it. I still would be a tad cautious as far as her folks go.
Hey D, Sounds like you're handling it well. You may have hit her issue on the head..but do her parents understand how she feels abandoned? Is your wife in therapy or taking antidepressants? Just wondering how she's going to gain the insight that you already have, on her own...and focus her anger/communication with her parents...Not your job though-definitely stay clear...
Stay like Teflon! Let it all slide off...
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
K MIL is fully aware of what the issue is/was. MIL wanted to sit down with my wife a few weeks ago to talk about whatever it is that is bothering her. My wife postponed at the last minute saying all my MIL was going to do was "lecture" her. My wife complains that she never talks to her but when she tries my wife backs away.
A couple weeks after my wife had left we went to one session of marriage counseling. Our C said my wife had too many issues to deal with first before we could even think about MC. At the time my wife took it as a wake up call but dragged her feet to make an IC appt. She went to one session and that was it. This was about the time she started seeing her "friend". My guess is the high from infatuation made her feel as though she was better so she doesn't think she needs to go back.
The spewing she did a few weeks ago also was about her Mom and how no one in her family cares about her. I told her she should talk to her Mom about it and my wife said she didn't want to alienate her Mom any more than she already had.
Good Morning D! Sounds like your wife is a bit scared that the issues are coming to the surface and I think you're right about the OM creating a "high" so she temporarily feels better. Might take some time for her to get the courage and deal with "her stuff"..rather than avoid, run and project.
I think the DBing-validation detachment is goig to help a lot n your situation. Hang in there!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
The issues are right there bubbling below the surface. They have been for a few months. Our MC could hear the anger when my wife talked hence the recommendation for IC.
My wife has always put up a tough exterior to mask her feelings. I see at times (like yesterday)she's unable to hold it in. I don't know how she will ever come to terms with it. My fear is she will run for the rest of her life.
