Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Don't put too much pressure on yourself regarding the fear of losing everything, that is a natural thing given what you have both been through. That side of things will drift away in time as the good times overtake.
Still positive though and that's really nice to hear!
Wow what a great extended weekend - H seems to be changing inside and out. Taking a lot of responsibility for the past. Kept catching me trying to avoid old problem sitches and reminded me that it wasn't me - it was his drinking that caused those responses. He was even ok when the kids started to hang out with us and said it felt good.
Another good thing was my annual evaluation - the best one I ever had. I am celebrating. Guess I figured things out this past year in areas other than my M.
It made me think about how much A affects the lives of others and not just the person drinking. H has me re -thinking problems that came up and my role in them vs the role of A.
That is great news about your evaluation and you and your H seem to be rolling along well. He seems to be handling things better. So glad.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Today he started to complain about not having enough time to be together and all the running around between places just to spend time. I just listened... and then he stopped and reminded me that he knows it is because of what he did and he isn't really complaining. He knows it was his behavior that put him in this position. Then I did speak up and reminded him that it was hard on me too - his behavior put "us" in this position. He immediately agreed that it was hard for me especially after all he did to me.
Coming along. I am still getting used to "catching" my reactions and what an unexpected change for me - to really hear that it wasn't my fault. You cannot imagine the relief and freedom I feel when he reminds.
In thinking about "our" problems from before it seems that many of them are clearing up. It is such a surprise to realize that all the arguments were related to him wanting to drink and not about the issue. He keeps remarking about how much we really do have in common - before we both thought we were incompatible but now - we're ok.
I am amazed. My exh is has always and still always never takes any responsibility for the hurt he has caused. Sure he apologized once, but the actions don't match it.
I am so glad to hear things are going in the right direction for you.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
That is sooo awesome that you guys are communicating like that. Once changes like that come to him you'll be amazed at the guy he is going to be. He's able to share feelings he couldn't do that before, I'm really proud of him and you for sticking it out (can I give you my W's number :)).
Keep doing what you're doing I'm so happy for you right now.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I'm so happy for you! Sounds like your H is finally growing up. It's a beautiful sight isn't it?
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
