Stuck, at first i begged for forgiveness, and yes i was sorry, but not enough for me to be 'cured' of my addiction to OP, and the whole "in looove" thing, and he kept contacting me so I kept replying, which meant I remained detached and unable to connect with H. most people are truly NOT nefarious to "love" two people at once. They may THINK they are and probably THINK they are fooling the spouse, but this is a dream.
I never resented him putting me in that position no, but I did continue to rebel and play up like an adolescent for along long time. this is what happens, when your 'forced' to return and make a 'choice'. the choice was never made it was made FOR you, so its natural to fall into a position of a rebeling teen.
It would be convenient for me to say in the next 2 years he did nothing but the truth is, he tried very very hard and was amazing. he changed all his ways and became exactly the h I always wanted. exactly. it took time but gradually i began to really fall in love again and thats when real regret and guilt TRULY set in. I felt i couldnt say enough or do enough to say sorry then. i thought about it every single day. IN THE BEGINNING, when i came "home" as such and quit the affair, I was still in full rebel mode, and god forgive me, i even remember thinking id do it again, and i also remember thinking i didnt regret it at ALL. you really believe this too, when your going thru it. you remember all you learnt from the OP... and I know this is painful but you DO learn stuff from the OP... and you think its not something you'd ever regret... but when you truly begin to reconnect to your H, you DO regret it a lot, and truth to tell, you would NEVER admit to your H just how much you felt for the OP. it becomes really shameful.
The problem in my sitch is while i was sitting around mooning for those 2 years and he was trying so hard, he was losing heart and gearing himself up for a lovely MLC of epic proportions, and im told its the worst on here. well, id be a rotten LIAR to say I dont know what caused it or made it worse. the truth sets us free, and may heal others
your wife probably isnt SORRY right now. she might not be SORRY for along time. I hope your still around, when she is. but the truth is, people like you, who have suffered a long time an felt so lonely... well... the truth is your open yourself, to an OP who might offer some compassion and love.
No one ever bothers to mention this to the person who had the A. they dont even CONSIDER IT
but life is life and god is god, karma is karma and what goes around.. comes around... what you think you dont want.. someone else always does...
too bad a lot of us learn way too late isnt it...
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
