I'd like to commend you for having the strength and compassion to post this. I can see how it's healing to you in terms of your past and present situation.
I have a question. When your H laid out his ultimatum, did you change and ask for forgiveness immediately, or did you really resent him for putting you in this spot? Like, "how dare he give me an ultimatum" attitude?
Also, during the two years you were emotionally unavailable to him after the A, what was he doing? Did he try to "woo" you back or did he just let things slide back to the way they were?
My W had an EA with her boss and is now in depression. She has never apologized or even admitted it as being an A even though I found a note and her telling me she wanted to leave the family for him. Deep denial. Like you I was her only boyfriend and sexual partner. She even had this strong phobia of me cheating on her and would always ask me to swear that I would never do it because her dad walked out on her mom. Lo and behold, she ended up doing it but denied any wrongdoing despite evidence to the contrary.
I guess I'm trying to see where she's at right now emotionally since she doesn't want to tell me anything.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
