AFWAW, I have looked for the beginning of your sitch to read your story but couldnt find it. Only your most recent posts... im not too up on how to go about this place.

The only thing I can comment on right now just from what I have read is that you are VERY ANGRY. this is normal... but you have to ask yourself right now: even if she came back TOMORROW, where do you think all that anger over all this time is gonna go? do you really think its gonna just 'disappear'? AFWAW its not, at first it would seem to bc you'd be grateful, but let me tell you, as soon as your 'gratefulness' started to wane, and it would, that anger would still be there for you to deal with. I know this.

SOMETIMES, our sitches becomes so hurtful we have to know that no matter how much we still love h or w, the hurt has gone too far, and the anger would never really go away. you have to get to this you have to ADMIT this, bc your a FIGHTER, you are FIGHTING for your marriage, your not SEEING that if you WON, you would THEN have to fight YOURSELF an your FEELINGS of anger and betrayal...

is there anything she could do to make all that anger go away? probably, there always is, in our minds, the ones cheated on. WOULD SHE DO THAT, the answer is PROBABLY NOT. even if she came back to you, she may never fit into what YOUR mind and heart would need to release all that anger and resentment over the hurt you've gone thru.

LOOK, in MY sitch, I was furious and still am. I love him very much. I will love him til he dies. I just will nothing is gonn change that LOVE. but I dont RESPECT him and he could NEVER do all the things needed to regain that respect. Could your wife, at this stage?

ask yourself that hard hard question and if its NO, accept you love her and your sorry but then let her go. in your heart mind and emotions; tell yourself its ok, you fought a good fight and you battled hard, but you lost and sometimes thats what happens in life = we lose. it doesnt mean you wont ever love again or be loved again. i know it seems way too exhausting to bother with someone else (boy do I know) but exhaustion at the idea of letting someone new in and starting again isnt good enough to keep fighting for someone who does NOT WANT you to fight for them and could NEVER regain your respect, ANYWAY.

at this point... if you reach it... its easy to do what I did and decide to burn your bridges with butane and a flame thrower. DONT. respect WHAT YOU ONCE HAD. but walk away from what its become... and talk talk talk about it. Its ok to be in love with her. but its not ok to not let yourself move forward... you made mistakes she made mistakes, sometimes you gotta know when to let it be in the hands of god and fate and start thinking of you.

Let me say here that being OBSESSED with your h or w in this is a lot like it is for THEM with the OP... its ADDICTIVE ISNT IT.

its the DRAMA my friend bc without the DRAMA you would have nothing an your life would feel empty

how long do you want your life to be one big drama after another... you wont let go bc if you do then you have nothing else to think about nothign else to hope for nothing else to dream of nothing else to fight for.

Thats called FEAR. say "hello my old friend" and embrace it... accepting is a nothingness. but it doesnt mean you have to give up ALL HOPE. this is what we call... "walking away" and "going dark", you still love the w or h... but you choose to let the chips fall where they may and concentrate on you.

bc while your fighting for her you might not be noticing someone like me in your life, who is desperately seeking someone new to love! you wont see her bc your in your DRAMA and CRISIS.

there are many of us out there you know, and there are women out there like you just waiting and hoping, we miss each other thru the fogs of our drama in fighting... think about that some... you might think no thats not true... but it is. I thnk you need to DATE.

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.