Yes, Thank you for that reminder. It is so easy to forget how important DBing is and I think I toke that for granted these last few weeks. What got me to this place is the very thing I must continue to do.
I so much want things to be how they use to be when we were first married, but I know that in spite of the progress we made, healing is a process that takes time and I cannot rush my wife into having specific emotions when she is not ready yet. Lately I have been showing some signs of neediness and I know that that is never a good thing. I love my wife so much, but I know that she is still recovering from the damage I did to her. So I need to give her all the time, space and no pressure so she can learn to love and trust me - which will always be a perpetual process.
Today she was telling me that she needs to know that when things get tough that I am not going to leave her or our daughter. I told her that the past does not equal the future and that I am never letting go no matter what. In retrospect I wish I would have told her that I understand the hurt I put her through and that she could have all the time she needs to heal, etc etc.
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I realized way too late how controlling I was in almost every way.
I never realized how controlling I was with the finances. Today we were on the road and she was asking me if I wouldn't mind buying her a hamburger. I did, but made some comment about our budget in the process. Ah, what a control freak I am. When we first got married, I complained a lot about our finances and even now I catch myself making the same mistakes. That is one area that I need to work on. The only thing that is preventing us from being together right now is that we both have a lot of debt and I am trying my hardest to reduce that by half and save money for a new house. I tell my Wife that I really want us to be together soon and that I am trying to do what is necessary to get our finances in order to make that happen. But I think I need to learn to let go a bit, do my best to live financially responsibly and realize that things dont' always go according to plans or budgets. You are correct FaithfulH, my W is not a big spender.
I need to really work on myself. I feel so rusted when it comes to relationships (validating feelings, listening, being supportive, flirting, playing around, not being a control freak,etc.) I think overall I've done a good job, but I still think I'm a rookie in this arena. I also need to start working out again (its been about a good month or so since I last worked out). Do you know of any good books to read (i've read mens are from mars/women from venus, fighting for your marriage, the power of commitment and a few other ones).
Lately I have been feeling somewhat sad and inadequate - almost like I am not good enough. Don't know where those feelings are coming from, but I really need to get a PMA, build my confidence and live with more passion. So far things with the job have been going good - so no complaints there. I will keep you posted.
