Thanks to you as well. I appreciate your kind words. I have always been able to look on the bright side of a situation. It has served me well in my life as I have been through a lot in my 36 years on this planet. Do not get me wrong. My husband choosing to be with someone I thought was a very close friend and lying to me for such a long time did do its number on me, but I have decided to let him live with the choices he made and his lies. I have looked back at my relationship with my husband and realized that we honestly were not meant to be together. He made many promises based on what he thought he should be doing with his life and was unable to make good on them and felt like a failure. I had expectations that he would follow through on those promises and when he didn't I felt such resentment. To be honest, we should have never gotten married when we did. The age difference was just too great in regard to our relationship. He wasn't ready to be a dad to three kids. He wasn't ready to be responsible for anyone because he hadn't ever learned how to be responsible and take care of himself. I wanted to rescue him and help him become the better person he wanted to be. Too much wishful thinking on both of our part. I wish it didn't end the way it did, but it probably had to end this way for me to be able to get over him and move on. I would probably still be trying to reconcile with him otherwise. I haven't heard from him in over a month. I haven't seen him in the same amount of time. I no longer look at his profile on MSN. I no longer check to see if he has been on youtube. I felt like a rabid stalker doing so. I also have made a point of going the long way to work and haven't been by the gym since I took his mail to him the last time. I haven't emailed him since May 9th. I won't contact him ever again. I will be divorcing him as soon as I have the money to do so because he won't do so. Just another thing for me to have to pay for, but I will finally have peace in my life. I will be able to get on with where my life is going. I will be free to be me and this me is one who has learned so much.
I will be here posting when I feel the urge.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
