should I be worried that he ISN'T blaming me for the R problems???!! He says stuff like it is not you...you have done nothing wrong...I know it is all my fault. and then proceeds with the seperation. so, there is never going to be the day when he "realizes" it is not my fault...and comes back...???
Nicole,
there is a ton of material you can read out there that (I think) will help you.
his statements are just one form of trying to cope with his guilt. By saying it is all his fault he is effectlively becoming the martyer. The same way people do when something bad happens. They step up to take the blame even when I really doesn't belong to them. Because it make them feel better about the situation.
This is not a whole lot different than if he made the statement that "you will be better off". It is his way of convincing himself he is doing this for you and not being selfish or bad. to cope with what he knows he is doing.
Don't put too much into this stuff. It is coping mechanisms that are taking place in the mind. Worry about what you can to help yourself and perhaps remind him of what he will miss (ie the person he married). A ton of stuff goes on in our minds.
Just like in the LBS who will take the entire blunt of the guilt even when all the people around them are telling them they shouldn't. Lot of phsycology goes on in this. Don;t let it drive you crazy!
Sorry you are here. Hang in there. You will get a lot of help from some very wise people
