Here is a description of the bomb which happened 5/7/09 "Hi Drew here.. I got a pretty large ball dropped on me when my wife said she probably didn't want to be in our marriage anymore. We have been married since 6/20/08 and shortly after in November we suffered from a very traumatic family tragedy. My wife has a twin sister who she is very close to and that sister's husband committed suicide. We decided to take my SIL in a larger townhome after she got her insurance settlement. Things have been a lot of fun but it definitely put a strain on my marriage. My wife and I had a good relationship before it. Anyway, my trouble is I have been really clammed up trying to communicate about how I felt and it obviously took it's toll. I could tell since Feb that my wife had been getting more aloof and moody and she got on anti-depressants.. she had her dose upped just a few days before admitting she may want to breakup. Our sex life did suffer but we were still averaging about once or twice a week regardless. Anyway, during the convo we had she gave me the spiel about not being cut for marriage, she loved me wasn't in love with me, and that I didn't deserve this or the aloofness she focused on me. She said she felt smothered being in a marriage and trying to help her sister in her grief. I asked my wife if she was willing to try to work to save our marriage and she said she didn't think so. I think she is pretty confused and not sure if she wants to go through with this or not. I am pretty torn up of course because she is the one for me as far as I am concerned."
..anyway she had hinted that I leave asking me if I had talked to friends and family. I took the initiative and told her that I was leaving on 5/22. She seemed stunned by this (said "what about us what do we do?) but I was not surprised because I know a WAW's behavior is never consistent. I left because I knew that was the only way she would be able to regain clarity, get her space, and perhaps wonder why she is driving the man who treated her better than anyone else in the past out of her life. I did this out of love for my wife and it is not anything I would have had the maturity to do in the past. Anyway, I think the problem is I let my boundaries slip with her during our crisis time involving her twin sister. It also seems like she and her twin want to just be with each other and she can't handle being in a marriage. My wife is dysthymic and I believe due to her poor self esteem the she thinks she is not cut out for marriage. Basically she feels smothered between marriage and taking on her sisters grief and somehow fell 'out of love' with me in just a few short months after her twin sister's situation. Is there any more info I could give btw? I have ordered Divorce Remedy and am doing pretty well at detaching and not pursuing.
Incidently my SIL told me my WAW was not in any hurry to file or act on D. My W seemed pretty dead set that there would be no working on the M when she dropped the bomb so that is kind of promising.
