Trying to detach from the madness!

[Startingover2]

What's next is anything he thinks he can get away with.

But since you gotcher mojo workin', that's gonna be Jack Sh*t.

Its gonna be a long 17 years if it stays this way.

[kassie]

Hang in there ! I agree with all that's been stated.(Some of it is really funny and I love it) CS isn't an option it is a responsibility for another human being.

I know A's are very responsible, don't think about anyone but themselves it doesn't mean we accept it on some things. He isn't thinking rationally anyway so arguing is a waste of your time and energy. Stick to your plan.

[Startingover2]

Yesterday was a test for me. I saw saw exh in someone else's car.

He didn't see me as I was in my friends car. He was in the passenger seat of a new minivan. We were behind them but he didn't notice me. Driving this van was a woman about his age and she had 2 empty carseats in there. I am assuming this is the married woman who is wanting to leave her husband for him.
As we were behind them he was sorta slumped in the seat with his hat pulled down a bit like he didn't want to be seen. It was about the time he was picked up from his community service for his DUI. They pulled up his street. There we are behind him and I have our child in the carset thinking..'look baby! There is your daddy with another woman!"

I thought about it all night. I felt a pit in my stomach after seeing him with yet another woman. OW was bad enough. I almost had this possesive feeling over him like 'hey, thats MY husband! WTF are you doing with him?".

This woman must have dropped him off and left as 20 minutes later he is texting me asking how baby is and why I am so short with him all the time. I tell him how baby is and ignore the rest or I would go off on him.

When does it ever get better?

[volleydog]

Once again your ex is an a$$ and it will get better with time. I just feel so bad for your D that she won't have a decent Dad in her life. I really do feel bad for you also so please don't take this wrong but I feel worse for your D. I guess I'm lucky because I know that no matter what happens between me and my W I wouldn't want any else as their Mom, because she is a GREAT Mom.

YOU and your D DESERVE THE BEST!

[Startingover2]

Thanks VD (I hate calling you that)! I feel sad for my D too. Her father has paraded many women,me included, in and out of his other daughters lives and I imagine this will be the same. I just hope and pray that baby's contact with exh will be minimal and controlled until if/when he decides to get his life together.

[sandycay]

I bet his other baby's mommma was thinking the same exact thing.

[Startingover2]

I bet his other baby's mommma was thinking the same exact thing.

I honestly don't think she cares. She has known the dangerous positions exh has put her kids in and knows what they have seen him do with the drinking yet she still lets them go with him. She is remarried with her own life and kids with her new husband. She is more concerned with that. Its very sad.

[kassie]

I was going to tell you that after the three days I have had with my H - learning a lot about how much he didn't think before about what I was saying nor paid any attention to what was going on. He didn't think to care about what he was doing or what others thought about his behavior.

When I read your posts now I see what my H is telling me and teaching me, how he was always one foot listening and one foot trying to figure out how to sneak off and get a drink. To the point that he just didn't listen or care or remember anything important.

What I was able to do, with the help of others was to put distance between us - for me it just gave me freedom from the negative interactions, and for him it gave him room to see his own behavior and its consequences. Once we were S, it was hard to keep the distance emotionally, but with everyone's help here I was able to gain strength to focus on my own life, and not on what he was or was not doing. And similiar to your life, I don't live in a small town, but we do work at the same place and everyone watches every move between us. So it has been hard. But the strength came with emotional distance.

I hope you can move more in that direction for yourself and family sake. We are here for you and will not leave.

[Startingover2]

I am so glad things are pointing in the right direction. I love talking with you because you are so supportive but also understand the A mindset.

I am trying like heck to put some distance there. Because of baby he contacts and most of the time I try and shut anything else down. I fail at times, but I try. I wish he didn't live so darn close.

He was a no show today for his visit. Sad for baby, but I really feel relieved.

[kassie]

Just be available for the visits but don't really expect him. Keep avoiding the tendency to respond to the texts - he really doesn't expect a response. I can imagine how hard it is to have a child that you together but what I said before - each child has his/her own relationship with each parent - if you try to get inbetween them all the anger falls on you and YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT.

I am glad to be here, you have been helpful to me and allowed me the room to grow in strength, as I hope you will be also.