Hey AK...today has been another rough one. I came this weekend up to my hometown and have been staying with my mom. I took the kids to my in-laws and spent some time over there. It was hard, and I think it made me break down...being there seems so normal until I remember that it isn't just another visit without H while he is out of town...that I don't even know where he is and what he is doing. He is still my husband...and today I feel like I am really mourning our relationship...the way i could just call and say i love you or i miss you because he was my "person". having someone (namely H!) who calls because that's just what we do. I just got off the phone with H and we had a pleasant convo...or I tried my best at least. We were making plans for him to have the kids this week. I told him I wanted him to have them overnight this weekend and he agreed, although he has to get back to me because he doesn't know his work schedule for sure. I told him I needed to know ASAP so I could finalize plans for my trip...which doesn't exist yet...I made it up. He asked where I was going and I said away for the weekend...he asked why I was being so evasive about it. I said I was just going up to San Francisco to visit a friend. We talked about finances and how we need to sit down and go over the $$ situation. He said he knew this was hitting us hard financially and that he is at fault for choosing this situation, but that we need to sort it out so we are all ok. I was very upbeat during the conversation and ended it first just saying that we would sit and work it all out and I have to get going. The crazy thing is, the better we get along, the more I feel like the DB ISN'T working...like I am giving him what he wants. I know this is not rational, trust me. Today is not a rational day for me though!!! I feel like being so amicable will make this seem right in his eyes. His Dad told me today that H told him the same thing about "not closing any doors on the marraige". WTF? I mean, he is full steam ahead with the seperation, but not going anywhere near divorce yet. It confuses me. I know tomorrow will be a better day, there is no way it couldn't...today was so bad. Bootstraps...time to get up!!!!
