I was going to tell you that after the three days I have had with my H - learning a lot about how much he didn't think before about what I was saying nor paid any attention to what was going on. He didn't think to care about what he was doing or what others thought about his behavior.
When I read your posts now I see what my H is telling me and teaching me, how he was always one foot listening and one foot trying to figure out how to sneak off and get a drink. To the point that he just didn't listen or care or remember anything important.
What I was able to do, with the help of others was to put distance between us - for me it just gave me freedom from the negative interactions, and for him it gave him room to see his own behavior and its consequences. Once we were S, it was hard to keep the distance emotionally, but with everyone's help here I was able to gain strength to focus on my own life, and not on what he was or was not doing. And similiar to your life, I don't live in a small town, but we do work at the same place and everyone watches every move between us. So it has been hard. But the strength came with emotional distance.
I hope you can move more in that direction for yourself and family sake. We are here for you and will not leave.
